Designer jeans and interviews

Hi Dorothy  – I was rejected following an interview last week because I wore jeans. They were really expensive Armani jeans and probably cost more than all their creased shiney suits put together.  Why isn’t it OK to wear jeans to an interview?  Martha, Prague  

Hi Martha  – thanks for your question. It’s asked all the time.

Well your favourite denims might carry a 3 digit price tag and be the height of chic on the street, but you can’t even wear them to get into many night clubs or restaurants. Together with their favourite companions, the sneaker, they are not considered to be formal attire. So if nightclubs won’t let them in (and therefore leaving you on the pavement too!) it’s safe to assume that many businesses won’t either, regardless of the designer label or cost. The pavement parallel can be applied to job search.

So, no it isn’t OK, if you want to dress to impress! Psychologically, despite the massive upward shift in price and the fashion statements they make, they are still for many associated with blue collar work and are not de rigueur.

If you are interviewing for a jeans’ manufacturer that make a difference,  but even then I suspect they may not be acceptable at this stage in the job search process, designer or otherwise.

But, I did come across one You Tube recruiting video which suggested jeans might indeed be sector appropriate and Armani could actually be a tad over dressed. View At Twitter the Future is You!

You didn’t say what level of position you were seeking, but I would advise waiting until you have a job, then establish at that point if it’s OK to wear your favorite denims. Even on dress-down days in many companies, they are off limits.

This is the way to avoid hitting the pavement!

Learn to Be a Woman Who Toots Her Own Horn

So: women don’t talk about their achievements. They don’t get noticed. Climb the ladder to the C-suite. They have internal barriers of all sorts that cause them not to be a woman who toots her own horn enough. Hmmmm…

Rather ironically – since I play a euphonium in the town band – me too. Or rather that was me too, until I created a strategy that simultaneously leap-frogs over the barriers and acknowledges and works with them.

Why Not?

The two big barriers for most of us seem to be fear and embarrassment. Fear – that we will look like braggarts and be cut down to size by those with whom we live and work. Embarrassment – well, that speaks for itself.

What Would Your Mother Say?

So what do I do?

I brag.

Like my mother does about her children. Like I do about my own daughter. I think about how Mum wants the world to know how her daughter is creating, doing, being, and I tell everyone who needs to know.

I do it with joy, with abandon, with the knowledge that this makes a difference to how I see myself and how others see me. I do it to model the behaviour to other women and, I hope, encourage them to copy it in their own lives. Not gratuitously to stoke our egos, but to achieve balance. Something this world needs badly.

I pay attention to the emotional response I’m getting. I articulate what I am doing, and why. It gets a strong reaction. Often denial and dismissal, sometimes anger, but mainly recognition.

I also brag about the accomplishments of the women in my life. Behind their backs. In front of them. I detail their skills, their talents and their wonderful personality traits. I talk up the successes they have had and the projects and endeavours in which they are engaged.

Talk about embarrassment! Not mine – theirs. But I persevere. They get used to it. And most of them come to like it… They also tend to accept my version of me.

So – be your own mother, be a woman who toots her own horn, climb the ladder and be a difference in the world!

 

Vicki Alstine aka @BubbleOffCentre works as a freelance editor and can also be found behind the scenes at 3PlusInternational where she researches and tweets terrific articles of interest to professional women.

 

 

Taking a Look at the Comfort Zone

For a couple of decades now, we have been contemplating the dangers of being in The Comfort Zone.

“Step out of your Comfort Zone“, we are told, ” Growth and achievement do not live there. Get out! “

But, (and there is one), a place of comfort seems to have become somewhere in which none of us would want to be caught dead. And, if we find that we are feeling comfortable, it’s possible that this, in itself, creates an uneasiness that causes the devil on our shoulder to whisper something about not doing enough or being enough or living up to our potential.
Wikipedia defines The Comfort Zone as, a behavioural state within which a person operates in an anxiety-neutral condition.
That’s one perspective.

Judith Bardwick, who wrote Danger in the Comfort Zone (first published in 1991), refers to it as a place where our sense of entitlement hangs out. Dr Bardwick’s book discusses the habit of expecting something for nothing and our tendency toward righteous indignation when we don’t get it.This is another perspective.

If we were to subscribe to the latter one, it’s easy to see how being in the comfort zone can be interpreted negatively.
On the other hand, if we were to view it simply as a place in neutral territory, it could very well have its benefits. Here’s what occurs to me from that vantage point:

•  The Comfort Zone can be a place of planning and reflection.
  Often, when we are in the middle of change, there is internal noise that eclipses our ability to fully grasp what we are learning. We simply want to get through it and come out the other end relatively unscathed.
  I think though, when the turmoil created by change dies down, the neutrality of our more comfortable place allows for the opportunity to reflect on what we have learned and to plan for what comes next.

 

•  The Comfort Zone can be a place of respite
  We all know that the pace of change is unrelenting. In many ways it’s exciting. On the other hand, sometimes we simply need to step back and take a deep breath. Giving ourselves a short break from the pressure and risks of unrelenting “newness” just might, in the long run, help us re-energize and go back in with greater focus than we otherwise might have.

So, to me, the danger does not lie in being in the comfort zone. It lies in staying there too long. The question is, how long is too long?

Anais Nin once said, “And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.

Perhaps it is then that we know it’s time to step out; when we realize staying in the comfort zone is no longer serving us, or anyone else; and when comfort is in danger of morphing into pain.

What do you think?

Gwyn Teatro

Mademoiselle, Non. Ms, Yes

The days of Mademoiselle are over.

At the beginning of January the French town Cesson-Sévigné banned the use of ‘Mademoiselle’ in official documents. Residents only have a choice of Madame or Monsieur and women are no longer defined by their marital status. There is a wider campaign to ban Mademoiselle all over France.

Reading about this I learned that Germany officially banned the use of Fräulein in 1972. When I first went to Germany for a work experience placement at the age of 17 I was surprised to be addressed as Frau but I was more concerned that the Schwäbisch dialect everyone spoke bore no resemblance to the German I’d learned at school.

I later worked in Germany for a decade and appreciated that I wasn’t pigeon-holed by my marital status. Frau didn’t always translate well. Airlines insisted on calling me Mrs and colleagues at my English-speaking workplace would occasionally address me as Mrs Foden. I momentarily wondered why they were emailing my dead grandmother.

Why do you need to ask?

According to the BBC report of Cesson-Sévigné’s decision, Miss and Mrs are used less frequently than their French equivalents. This is not my experience since moving back to the UK. I am always being asked by officialdom and customer services, “Is it Miss or Mrs?”

I’m always tempted to reply, “None of your business,” but I manage a more tactful, “It’s Ms.”

This is often greeted with raised eyebrows. There seems to be a lot of judgement when I insist on Ms. Am I being seen as a bitter divorcée? A miserable singleton? A (gasp!) feminist?

When there is no Ms option on forms I entertain the idea of promoting myself to Dr but I’m scared I’ll be asked to perform an emergency tracheotomy on a plane.

Surely in the 21^st century it’s time we followed the townsfolk of Cesson-Sévigné and the Germans and stuck to just Ms or Mr? Apart from the inherent sexism of Mrs and Miss, the latter also infantilises women. When I hear or see Miss I think of Little Miss Muffet sitting on her tuffet.

So call me Ms, please. At least until I become a Dame.

Anna Foden is a freelance journalist. You can connect with her on twitter @anna_foden or LinkedIn.

Do you REALLY think that women aren't competitive?

Women and competitive behaviour

Whoever says women are not competitive and aggressive clearly has never been to any women’s clothing store during a January sale. Shopping during the sales is not my natural habitat and although I would consider myself to be reasonably competitive, in this environment the classification of total wimp could be legitimately applied. Negotiating the millions of shoppers in Central London or any other major city after Christmas to my mind requires full- on assault training and the wearing of S.W.A.T. style body protection. And this was before I knew that someone had been stabbed to death on Oxford Street on Boxing Day.

Covert or cat fight

Many women are competitive about their homes and their children’s achievements. Others are sexually competitive with other women for the men of their choice, and sometimes men they wouldn’t even look at once, let alone twice. They do it because they can. It is the ultimate  “oneupwomanship”. They are competitive about their recipes.  I have one French friend who will only give out her to-die-for “moelleux au chocolat“  recipe when one of yours passes muster. Needless to say,  I’m still waiting! Women and competition occur in the same breath and activities as diverse as hairdressing,  BMI,  postal codes,  gardens in egg cartons and the whiteness of their whites.

The word compete is rooted in the Latin “cum petere” meaning ” to strive together“.  Somewhere between the decline of the Latin language and the 21st century,  being a competitive woman has taken on derogatory connotations.  Two men slugging it out whether physically or metaphorically, becomes a sight to behold or feared, while 2 women, who are conditioned to put others’ needs first, doing the same thing,  is regarded as a ” bitch fest“  or “a catfight“,  with nowhere near the same gladiatorial status or even interest.

In Bittersweet, Love Envy and Competition in Women’s Friendships, Susie Orbach and Luise Eichenbaum describe the differences in male and female competition. Girls form relationships (the true meaning of ” cum petere” perhaps?), while boys are raised to assert themselves over others. “Whereas women search for self through connection with others, men search for self through distinguishing themselves from others.”

So is the woman who strives for success by being individual in the corporate world (a male behaviour),  turning her back on the real meaning of “striving together” and putting her own needs first?

In so doing, she’s upsetting two apple carts at the same time: the first belonging to her fellow women by not playing the connect and support game as she should.  And secondly the male cart belonging to the men who need to find a way to send her back whence she came.

But what women have to accept is that it’s OK to win and it doesn’t necessarily mean not collaborating.

 

 

 

Goals: Make this the year of less is more

Do less?

How’s this year going so far? Being the successful, well-balanced professional you are, you no doubt want more out of 2012. My clients are ambitious multi-cultural multi-taskers straddling several countries, and they have the technology and energy to keep up. They know all about focus, efficiency and drive. Except invariably, at some point in the coaching process, they come to the staggering realization that—gulp!—to get more done they might need to do/think/push/strive less.

To ring in the New Year, I’m throwing out some common-sensical tips on paring down. Think of these as warm honey to a sore throat, as a cucumber slice to the eye, or as thick lotion to dry hands: simple, timeless remedies and goals that require zero cerebral intervention and just feel…right.

Do the important things first

Stephen Covey says: “You have to decide what your highest priorities are and have the courage— pleasantly, smilingly, non-apologetically—to say ‘no’ to specific things. And the way to do that is by having a bigger ‘yes’ burning inside.”

Know your yesses. Set meaningful priorities and act accordingly. You cannot make progress if you don’t have a handle on what’s truly important and what’s secondary (or tertiary). Reflect, talk it out with your coach and decide what’s most important. And once you decide, act! Remember: a decision isn’t really a decision until it is substantiated with concrete ITRW action (that’s: in the real world as opposed to in your mind).

Don’t try to please everyone: you can’t

No matter what you do or how, there will be people who disagree with you, your approach, your ideas or your goals. Yes, really. So give up trying to please everyone and just do, with confidence and fearlessness, what you know is right. You’ll even realize that it will not matter how many people get it, or don’t.

Choose your friends wisely

Surround yourself with people who are worthy of your time and attention and bring you something—energy, fun, wisdom,laughs, insights, moral support, or any combination thereof. Be wary of people in whose company you grow irate and from whom you systematically walk away feeling depleted and used vs. energized and nourished (on an intellectual,emotional, spiritual or soul level). This year—and forever—cultivate friends who reflect who you want to be, whom you are proud to know, who love and respect you, and who will champion and support you, while remaining honest enough to point out your BS when they spot it. Friends who ignite our energy, creativity, curiosity or zest for life (or all those at once) are keepers.

And be there for them too

I’m a subscriber of the “what goes around comes around” adage and believe that, in work and life, we really do get what we put in. When you have a positive impact on someone’s life, chances are you reap an immediate positive impact on your own.

And remember: you are not perfect

Think of how many things you didn’t get done last year because you were waiting for the perfect moment, place or circumstances. News flash: the real world doesn’t reward perfectionists; it typically rewards people who get stuff done. One way to get stuff done is to be ok with being imperfect (99% of the time). Yes, less really can be more.

 

Gilly Weinstein coaches ambitious professionals who want to play bigger, inspire others, shake things up, and have a greater impact in the world. She challenges her clients and makes them more aware of their impact in service of more emotionally intelligent leadership. Gilly coaches across a range of industries, institutions and countries. She is a certified professional coactive coach (CPCC) accredited (PCC) by the ICF.

Laughing with Brand Liza

Liza Donnelly is a staff cartoonist for The New Yorker Magazine and author of fifteen books. Her new book is When Do They Serve The Wine: The Fun, Folly and Flexibility of Being a Woman (Chronicle). You can visit Liza at her website and at her blog.

Overcoming double under dog status requires the right mindset

 

What do you do when you come from “nowhere “ and you don’t  exactly know where you should go and how you you get “there”?

People often ask me, “ What brought you to Brussels?”. What brought me here is long forgotten and irrelevant and what kept me and shaped me to become what I am today is far more relevant – the right mindset.

As student I headed in that direction with language skills and a degree in Literature, unprepared, but willing to learn and stayed on as a long term resident and “learner”. So, how could I figure out what to do and how to succeed? The growing pains of being the underdog (immigrant and female) have been the most beneficial, toughening influences in my professional journey so far. It taught me some of the most valuable lessons. Rise to the occasion!

The fun was in the learning
I needed to shape every step as I went along. There was no mega plan to follow. Every encounter, event and experience happened for a reason and prompted me towards the next step. I recognized beneficial experiences, looked out for the new skills I needed to gather and didn’t worry about what would lead me to a destination. The fun was in the learning.

I was living in a cosmopolitan city with an abundance of English speakers. My first job was as a language teacher where I progressed well and eventually became a project manager for an in-company training group at a reputable bank.  I learned the importance of network building in the business world and soon realized: No goal is impossible, you need to go ahead and believe in yourself.

Everything was new
When I entered the executive search business I knew instantly it was what I wanted to do. But for someone coming from Eastern Europe, everything in the West was new. I was not even familiar with Western consumer brand names  and spent hours in supermarkets memorizing names on shelves: food items, brands and the companies which manufactured them. I had to learn everything from scratch. This required focused learning methods and a great desire to “get it “ and get it fast, in a sector I knew to be highly competitive and network dependent.

I aimed to become one of the quickest information brokers in the business and started moving up the ladder, training others, shaping teams and learning to manage other professionals. I had to deal with the ambiguities for women in managerial/leadership positions and to toughen up along the way, while staying with, and preserving, my best talent –the sincere interest in people’s development.

My motto has served me well  “Do not even start, if you don’t want something badly”. You have to have the guts. There is nothing to lose, only gain. Throw yourself into your work at full speed with all your wits, energy, and creativity. There are no limits to what you can achieve if you give yourself to the fullest.

Vesselina Petrova is a Human Resources professional with extensive international business experience and expertise in executive resourcing, assessment, coaching and leadership development.

Taking a career break. A Gen Y view on the traditional career ladder

As part of the new generation of workers, which will have to work possibly until the age of 70 or even longer, why not have a different take on the career ladder and progression?

A different take
I am currently on a career break. This break has possibly been one of the best career decisions I have made in my working life as a corporate lawyer in London. As part of the new generation of workers, which will have to work until the age of 70 or even longer, my suggestion is why not have a different approach to the traditional career ladder and chill the pace? This is not to say I am not serious about my career. I am very serious about my career. And my career break. I am a very serious person altogether and this not part of an unfocused quest to find myself.

Having the ultimate stressful career and working oneself to the bone has lost its appeal somewhat. Gone are the promises of inflated salaries, disproportionate 6 figure bonuses, quick-fire progression to the top for the hard workers and becoming wealthy by “climbing the property ladder” at lightning speed. The recent recession has stripped my generation of these types of golden opportunities that were the blessings of our parents’ time.

Trade-off
So what is the trade-off? Work less. Enjoy life more. Find a better balance. Why spend weekends typing furiously into a Blackberry, or sitting in the office, with futile hopes of making partner 6 years after qualification or receiving a massive bonus to buy that house in Richmond? Those days are gone, pal. So, in short, what is the point? Oh yes — do it for career satisfaction and general life and emotional fulfillment. Yeah right.

In a move that has surprised my London bosses, I am relocating to Dubai. I will be doing the exact same thing but in a hot climate where I can go to the beach after work. This is not to be considered as part of my career break, more of a tactical and strategic career move, a very exciting one, specifically to increase my market value.

In between the London and Dubai jobs, I have chosen to take some time out and travel the world a little. Hardly intrepid explorer type stuff, no treks to Antarctica or climbing Everest, but just take a few extended vacations to forget what working is like. And it is totally fabulous, like being a wealthy gap “yah” student, who is infinitely more mature, worldly and appreciative of a) everything they are experiencing and b) most importantly, the time off from the grind.

Benefits
I feel relaxed, energised, excited, well-rested and ready to start in the next phase of my career (well — after I complete the next phase of my traveling). However, the most important thing to remember about a career break is that eventually the travel fund runs out and all good career breaks must come to an end.

Well. Until the next one.

Gen Y lawyer wishes to remain anonymous.

Taking a Pass on the Passion Juice

She Loved her Job

Sandy loved her job. The stories she chose to share and the way she told them, revealed that she was engaged and having fun. Her clients seemed to really like her, and we, my husband and I, were at time the beneficiaries of their shows of affection, which included tickets to sporting and entertainment venues. Was she passionate? I’m not sure. I never asked.

Along Comes Boss Lady

A new leader is hired and she is now one of two managers to whom Sandy reports in a hybrid organization structure. Sandy suddenly finds herself working for a woman who simply doesn’t like her. Said woman, Boss Lady, has been known to chastise her administrative assistant for arranging a shared limo to drive Boss Lady and Sandy to the airport for the same flight and a trip to visit the same client at the same time for the same purpose.  “Don’t ever do that again. I don’t like Sandy, and I will not ride in the same car with her.” Trust me, everyone likes Sandy. In fact, they like her husband too. They are that couple, those people.

After several years of this relationship, Sandy decides to resign. Her functional manager asks her to stay and offers to hire a coach to see if the situation can be resolved. Coincidentally, I happened to know the coach. She’s good. After several months of coaching, which also includes Boss Lady, Sandy resigns. The organization values her so much that they ask her to stay on as a consultant for 6 months.

Saying No to the Passion Juice

Sandy is now in transition and recently attended a convention/conference for professional women. You know the type – lots of workshops, speakers, and a variety of tracks. The first two workshops she attended focused on finding or working from your passion. After the second workshop Sandy avoided the passion juice. Here’s what she said.

I want to do something I really like, something I feel good about, but I don’t want to be passionate about my work. I want to be passionate about life and feel good about work. I have lots of interests and now is the time for me to put more energy into other things. 

It’s possible that Sandy’s attitude is the result of her recent bad experiences, but maybe not. I know others who find and express their passions in commitments to things non-work. They include lawyers, doctors, technology managers, sales people, and more.

How about you?

 

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