The Perks of Being a Wallflower

by | Mar 26, 2016

We accept the love we think we deserve - The Perks of Being a Wallflower.

Being a wallflower is defined as:

informal
a shy or excluded person at a dance or party, especially a girl without a partner.
"I felt like a miserable wallflower at a boisterous party"
Once a pejorative term - it's now a bold statement for being true to yourself.

The perks of being a wallflower

The perks of being a wallflower

The Perks of being a Wallflower

Love cannot be true when it’s based on magical thinking that someone is supposed to save you. True love can only happen between equals, anything else is servitude. [Tweet "Rescue is not love, and can turn into oppression either of ourselves or others."]

Otherwise we risk being imprisoned for life by real beasts who reflect back our distorted self image or equivalently, loving someone only because they make you feel like the fairest in the land. Relying on a man for self worth is no better than being barefoot and pregnant in the kitchen. Keeping someone around for the boost in self confidence is not much different than going with someone because they buy you nice things.

The roles between savior, victim, and villain can get blurred, and it’s not a pretty picture.  While women have been the victims of horrendous wrongs in the past, I can say with certainty that insecurities can make everyone crueler, pettier versions of themselves.

"Now I’m feeling how I should. Never knew single could feel this good." Jason Derulo

Romantic Love - no longer an obsession

[Tweet "Rescue is not love, and can turn into oppression either of ourselves or others."] In fact, I think I’m in a much better place for it to find me, rather than getting trapped with someone who made me feel like a beast, or just finding a mirror to soothe my insecurities and tell me I’m the fairest in the land. What’s more, I accept that like finding a job I love and building a life in my favorite city, it may not be a linear process but serendipity happens.  I can trust myself to choose someone I love who really love who loves me, not someone I think I need in order to be happy.

Knowing I can be happy with myself is true freedom. Read:  5 Steps For #SWO – Single Woman Optimisation

Your most important Career Decision

The jury seems to be out on romantic bliss, and I can attest from personal experience it’s better to be single than in a bad relationship.  Read: Why Millennial women are staying single

It appears that consistently single people with rich support networks and lots of friends are just as happy as happy married people, and are way better off than unhappy married people.[Tweet " Since one’s choice of a spouse is your most important career decision,"] and a huge factor into how much happiness and satisfaction you will feel during your life, it is a decision to be approached with caution. Read: Why your relationship choice is a career choice  Picking a life partner is not a straightforward process, but this blog gives some good insights:

Our foremothers won their freedom in society to gain the right to choose their spouses. It’s up to us to find the freedom within to marry ourselves first, and always, and then consider allying with a suitable partner. It’s a very serious choice.   Studies are inconclusive, but seem to show that consistently single people are no less happy than people in stable relationships. Your most important career decision is who you marry.

If I had worried about who liked me and who thought I was cute when I was your age, I wouldn’t be married to the President of the United States today.- Michelle Obama

The important thing is to be happy today, and know that being in a relationship will not by itself make you truly fulfilled.  After all, Michelle Obama married her mentee.   And if that doesn’t work out, there is still a lot to love in this life

How wrong it is for a woman to expect the man to build the world she wants, rather than to create it herself.
Anais Nin

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Megan Jones Contributor
Megan is a graduate of the Fox School's one-year Tri-Continent International MBA candidate (IMBA) progam. Currently living the American in Paris dream.
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