3 daily habits that cause relationship damage
Daily habits that cause relationship damage
Very often we lash out when we don't mean to and do lasting relationship damage to those close to us. Read on and see if there is anything here that sounds familiar.
When we have been deeply wounded or under-nurtured at a basic level, so deep in our childhoods we can't even remember, it leaves us never feeling good enough. We develop coping mechanisms to block out the constant self-doubt and build a fire wall for protection. We might over/under eat or exercise, self-medicate with substances or alcohol to kill the pain. Or we might lash out at others as a form of protection. These only serve to escalate relationship damage in our lives whether personal or professional.
There are 3 ways of doing this, each as damaging as the other
1. The Blame Game
The blame game can assume a variety of forms. We can assume blame for ourselves and absorb guilt. That only serves reduce our self-esteem even further. Not everything is our fault. Another equally damaging line of thought is to attribute blame or responsibility to a “higher power.” This can only muddy waters when personal responsibility is involved and therefore diminished by “God’s will” or “karma.” It is not karma that someone was killed when a drunk driver ran a red light. It was down to the personal negligence of an individual.
But regularly or constantly attributing the blame to others can also very damaging. It might appear to give us the upper hand. It makes us feel “better than” and diminishes the other person. There always has to be someone who is responsible and who is at fault. That means there is something wrong with the other person.
- Who left the office without putting the lights out?
- Why didn’t you make the monthly call to x client?
- Why weren’t the proofs checked properly?
But constant blame attribution can be corrosive on relationships and lead to their breakdown. It will eventually backfire.
2. Ridicule, Sarcasm and name calling
Sarcasm is said to be the “lowest form of wit” and even though the odd cleverly constructed barb might seem amusing, it can be devastating to the recipient and says volumes about the speaker. An occasional dash of sarcastic commentary can be extremely amusing. We all like a sharp wit. Think Saturday Night Live. But sharp wit can cut deep and an unrelenting flow can tip into emotional bullying. That person will have probably been the victim of the same treatment of sarcasm and ridicule. It is learned behaviour, often from childhood experience. Psychology Today suggests that:
sarcasm is hostility disguised as humour.
Think of the times when you might have done this:
- You idiot/dummy/clown
- You have the the finesse of Trump on a Twitter tirade.
- Tell me… Is being stupid a profession or are you just gifted?
Making comparisons is an insidious way of putting someone else down and making the perpetrator feel more powerful. The hardest ones are the ones that can’t be changed - height, skin colour, intellect, nationality, or some other physical feature.
- If you were as smart as…..
- Why can’t you be like
- Shame about …
- You've got legs like ...
So whatever you do when you lash out, remember you can cause relationship damage. Make sure you read the post: A deep breath is key to managing emotions . Getting on top of our reactions and behaviour is within our control. We just need to commit to change.
DEVELOP THE EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE OF THE EMPLOYEES IN YOUR ORGANISATION. CONTACT 3PLUS NOW
Found that interesting?
Learn more about our services
Make your dreams a reality with a professional evaluation of your career to date.
The evidence is in. More women in your company can deliver 35% greater financial returns. (Catalyst)
Dates for the Diary
23rd April 2019 at 1800 Podcast with Virgina Franco Executive Storyteller, Resume & LinkedIn Writer
25th April 2019 at 1800 EVE Programme, an initiative of Danone. Twitter Chat “Harnessing Positive Psychology for a Smarter Leadership"
Download and listen free podcasts
How to Create an Effective USP What is a USP? Our Unique Selling Point or UVP (Unique Value Proposition) is our key core message about where...read more
How to Rethink the Modern Workplace for Gender Equality New research shows that diversity and inclusion is a top priority for leaders. So why...read more
Menopause in the workplace In this podcast with Nicki Williams award winning author, keynote speaker and Founder of Happy Hormones for Life,...read more
How to Cultivate Empathy in the Workplace Nancy Milton, international business communications expert, keynote speaker and author, share some vital...read more
Taking Care of your COW Tanvi Guatam, international Personal Branding expert says there is a misconception out there that a personal brand is...read more
The importance of Hard Talk Dawn Metcalfe, author of Managing the Matrix and Hard Talk, shares with us tips to achieve the lasting communication...read more
When Does Female Rivalry Turn into Sabotage There’s a lot of stuff written on social media about female rivalry and competition between women. Some...read more
Goal setting tips to boost your career The happiest people are those that really love their jobs. Those that don’t, dread Sunday nights and...read more
Sexism: How to stage a Bystander Intervention in the Workplace In this power coaching podcast, we're going to tackle one of the questions...read more
How to Get Noticed by Head Hunters & Recruiters In this power coaching podcast, we're going to tackle one of the questions asked multiple...read more
Going International: Where are all the women! Why women are under-represented in international roles and what can be done about it.read more
Interviews need to be well designed and structured with diverse panelists. We have to consider the potential for double standards and double binds to prevent the interview traps for women.read more
A stressed workplace isn’t great for anyone, building support between you and your colleagues is essential. Here’s how to make it happenread more