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Gender stereotyping propaganda from women? Enough!

BITCH  Slang.

Susannah Breslin in her Forbes piece How to be a bitch at work, outlines how being a bitch has helped her career and increased her salary. She mentions 3 strategies to achieve that worthy goal. But as you will see when you read the suggestions below, these are simply sensible, effective, professional skills and strategies. Why are the women who employ them considered bitches rather than successful professionals and why is another woman extending that myth?

Suggesting that this type of career approach is a form of ”bitchiness”, is perpetuating gender stereotyping that professionally-focused successful women are for some reason “malicious, unpleasant, selfish“, with behaviour that is somehow contrary and therefore not OK. Isn’t it time we women stopped doing that? Why is this even going on?

• TIP #1:  Don’t be available. “Making yourself seem overly available at work doesn’t make you seem like a hard worker. It makes you seem like a pushover“. Being focused, with effective time management and communication skills, with clear boundaries and the ability to distinguish between productivity and activity are excellent skills for any professional – male or female. If a woman demonstrates these skills she is not a bitch.
• TIP #2:  Don’t work cheap. “Agree to be paid little, and others will think you’re of little value. Agree to be paid a lot, and others will think you’re of great value.” Assertive negotiation skills, particularly in the area of compensation, are invaluable. Expertise in this area makes you a skilled negotiator – not a bitch!
• TIP #3: Don’t be a pleaser. “The most important battles you win professionally come when you refuse to say yes. Resist the pressure to make everyone else happy and make yourself happy instead.” Balancing defined personal goals with other obligations is important, rather than putting everyone else’s needs before your own, and requires clear and constructively communicated boundaries. Achieving this does not make you a bitch!

Women get enough mixed messages from a predominantly male corporate culture. Why would we even contribute and add to gender stereotype propaganda? Unless it’s to say……

                                                                                  Babe,

In

Total

Control of

Her life.

Dear Old Boys of Augusta: What Did Ms. Rometty Know and When Did She Know It?

     Well this is a fine mess you’ve gotten yourselves into.

   “What mess?” you pretend.

 

Your failure, yes the “f” word, to extend IBM’s CEO Virginia Rometty an invitation to join the august Augusta National Golf Club. Little did you know, although perhaps dear Ginni did, that several weeks after announcing the decision to adhere to your “No Women” policy, Ms. Rometty would be included among Time Magazine’s 100 Most Influential People. Darn. What to do now?

Suddenly our collective recall of Ms. Rometty’s image appears more regal, jacketed in pink, head held high. She sits by the sidelines in her lawn chair, among other non-members, watching the Augusta National Golf Tournament. Meanwhile her fellow CEOs don green member jackets and possibly green foil party hats, as they host other corporate titans in special members-only cabins and party tents.

Yes, Mr. Warren Buffet, Mr. Bill Gates, Mr. Jack Welch, Mr. Peter Coors, Mr. T. Boone Pickens, et al. we know you are among the esteemed Augusta members. We also know, that despite the diversity flag many of you fly alongside your company banner, not one of you has taken a public stand for your colleague, Ms. Rometty. Perhaps I am mistaken in referring to her as your colleague. Could it be you do not think of her as “one of us”?

I am disappointed in you all, in IBM’s board members, and in the company’s former CEOs who are among Augusta’s members, and in Ms. Rometty as well. Not a word in public. Not even a word about not saying a word.

Mum

Mute

Deafening

Silence

My hope is that all along our Ginni (yes, the girls and I refer to her this way) who has navigated her way to the top, must have known she was about to be announced by Time Magazine as one of the world’s 100 most influential people. Perhaps an inner smile lurked behind her pink jacket and head-held-high, as she pictured you eating your non-words of your non-invitation, a few weeks hence.

I suspect that several months from now, when enough time has passed so you think you’ve saved face, her invitation will be forthcoming.

I offer the following suggestion for your consideration. Apologize to Ms. Rometty, [Pause]

 

and when you do so, the girls and I will feel that you have apologized to us as well. And when a little more time goes by, perhaps we won’t shake our heads at the sight of your diversity flag flying high alongside your corporate banner. Maybe we’ll even invite you to the club for a round of golf. We can, after all, be forgiving, once the apology for being wronged is offered.

 

 

 

Meet our Brussels Mentors

Meet the inspiring group of women who led the 3Plus Mini-Mentoring Event in Brussels on Thursday! They did a wonderful job and the feedback has been brilliant! THANK YOU! I am waiting for some more photos and will give you the whole story! I was honored to be the facilitator!

Overview:

• 200+ years combined experience
• 20+ different functions
• Every type of organisation from SMEs, public sector, private sector, international conglomerates, B2B, B2C, start-ups and as entrepreneurs
• Every type of personal relationship: married, divorced, widowed, single, with and without children
• Joined by a single common thread – a willingness to support other women in the pursuit of their goals

 

Isabella Lenarduzzi, Founder and Managing Director of JUMP: Isabella has 25 years experience as a social entrepreneur and expert in communication, event and conference organization. Her areas of interest include the empowerment of women, education, training, entrepreneurship, innovation and European integration (EU advocacy). Isabella established the European student fairs and is editor of 2 monthly magazines “Univers-Cité” and “Kampus” aimed at young readers aged 15-25. She has distributed the Student Welcome Pack to more than 1 million students across Europe. The annual JUMP Forum is becoming an international flagship conference promoting the advancement of women in the workplace.

Valérie Tanghe, Head of Sales Operational Support Belgacom: Valérie studied engineering at the University of Leuven where she graduated in 1995 specializing in telecommunication. She has worked in a range of positions in different companies gaining valuable technical experience, as well as business and management exposure. In her current role she leads a team of 50 offering a variety of specialized services to the Sales Forces. Valerie has also headed the “Woman and Engineering” think thank for several years, resulting in the launch of large projects (‘De Wereld aan je voeten’) designed to encourage young people, especially women, to choose science and engineering degrees.
Els Blaton, CIO AXA: 3 times nominee for CIO of the year, Els has a Master’s Degree in Physics from the University of Antwerp. Her early career was as a teacher and consultant, before entering the Financial Services Sector. Joining AXA in 2001, she maximized her complementary competences gained in IT, organization and banking, rising to the position of CIO of AXA Belgium and member of the executive committee in 2007. Here she tackles the challenge to make a fundamental transformation of the AXA IT environment and to direct the evolution of IT talent to prepare for the future.

Gay Charles, Head of Diversity Equal Talent Practice Odgers & Berndtson: With over 30 years in Executive Search, successfully leading and delivering top level management and Board searches, Gay has an in-depth company and functional knowledge across every industry sector, working on numerous cross-border, high-level searches for large international organizations in both the private and public sectors. She also specializes in Equal Talent with a strong network of top women executives. Gay is multilingual and has a BA degree in European Administration and an MA in European Humanities.

Ilse Haest, BNP Paribas Fortis Finance Transformation Manager: Ilse assumed her current role after 8 years of audit and M&A experiences at PricewaterhouseCoopers. Ilse has a Masters in Applied Economics at Antwerp University and a Masters in European & International Accounting & Auditing from University of Ghent & Göteborg (Sweden). She is also the first President to a newly-created network within BNP Paribas Fortis, called MixCity Belgium. This network is open to all, women and men, employees and managers, working within BNP Paribas Fortis, and has a clear goal: enhancing women’s visibility, and improving gender diversity at all levels in the Bank.

Staci Plopan, Global Account Manager Altera: With a degree in Electrical Engineering from Michigan University, Staci re-located to Paris 18 months ago to assume a global account management role. She has 10 years experience in the semi- conductors industry in the U.S and Europe and, very often, has found herself the only woman in the room on both sides of the Atlantic. Already an experienced mentor herself, she brings a valuable Gen Y reverse-mentoring perspective to the event.

Danielle Moens, Partner Femco: Danielle began her business career in a highly masculine and tech sales and marketing environment at Nashuatec, before certifying as a professional Coach at The School for Coaching and Leadership. In 2005 she decided to concentrate on coaching women and men in management, to empower them to build successful and balanced careers. She developed the training program, “Effective Leadership for Women” (followed by more than 450 women in Belgium in an in-company and open format). She is highly conscious of intercultural differences and the benefits of cross-cultural coaching. Danielle is passionate about Balanced Leadership and personal development.

Mireille Punt, Chief Corporate Controller Alcopa: Mireille has a long career in the B2B automotive sector in different roles but for the last 5 years has been a Finance Director covering different geographic areas: EMEA, Asia Pacific and Emerging markets. She has occupied her current position for 18 months after a long career at Cummins, a US multi-national. Her main responsibilities were in the area of business partnering, including strategy, business planning and analysis, budgeting & forecasting, reporting, analysis, etc., as well as the coaching and the development of staff. Mireille has never encountered any difficulties as a woman in a male-dominated environment.

 

Celebrate International Women’s Day with SYS

Please join SYS, Support Your Sisters, a virtual celebration of International Women’s Day.

3Plus International has created a space to Support Your Sisters – SYS – and to be supported by them. The campaign is up and running now and will extend through the weekend of International Women’s Day, May 8.

This is your opportunity to actively cheer about, show your appreciation and be cheered for by important women in your life.

 

What We’ve Done

Briefly, we have created a Pinterest Account, and a Facebook Page, both powered by 3Plus International, where you can pin pictures with captions or quotes dedicated to:

• an identified woman, or women, you support in her professional endeavors
• an identified woman, or women, who support and/or inspire you in your professional endeavors

or you might choose to post a picture that illustrates

• an inspiring quote about, by and for women. You can identify the person(s) to whom you dedicate the quote, or not.

How You Can Participate

Pinterest

1. If you have a Pinterest account, go to step 2. If not, read how to create one here. It will take just a few minutes. When you click the link you will discover that you need to request an invitation before you can create your account. No worries. You’ll get one by email within a day or two, but do it NOW,or at least SOON so you can participate in the celebration.
2. Once you create your account, follow 3PlusInt on Pinterest. We will follow you back.
3. Create a board called SYS or Support Your Sisters
4. Start pinning according to the topics specified in the bulleted list above. We will copy your pins to the 3Plus SYS Board where all the sisters (and supporting brothers) can see all the supportive and inspiring things we have to show and say about the women in our lives.

Facebook

Like SYS. Add comment, pictures, etc. You can even link your Pinterest, FB, twitter and other social media account. You know the drill.

What Got Us Started

Kathie Kinde began a discussion on 3Plus LinkedIn Group about women not supporting other women, or worse yet, outright clawing at and blaming each other. Not inclined to sit on the sidelines and do nothing, we decided to engage the 3Plus International community to role model something different. As often happens when women start collaborating and throwing ideas around, a project emerged.

With your support, we want to make this the beginning of an annual SYS day until supporting you sisters becomes part of every day, and every week and every month such that we change the culture from one where too often women tear down and battle each other, to one where we support each other. Why? Because, when one woman makes it, we all make it – if she reaches back to support another deserving woman.

Just imagine the day you can say “Things changed and I helped make it happen.”

So let the pinning and the posting begin!!

 

Mademoiselle, Non. Ms, Yes

The days of Mademoiselle are over.

At the beginning of January the French town Cesson-Sévigné banned the use of ‘Mademoiselle’ in official documents. Residents only have a choice of Madame or Monsieur and women are no longer defined by their marital status. There is a wider campaign to ban Mademoiselle all over France.

Reading about this I learned that Germany officially banned the use of Fräulein in 1972. When I first went to Germany for a work experience placement at the age of 17 I was surprised to be addressed as Frau but I was more concerned that the Schwäbisch dialect everyone spoke bore no resemblance to the German I’d learned at school.

I later worked in Germany for a decade and appreciated that I wasn’t pigeon-holed by my marital status. Frau didn’t always translate well. Airlines insisted on calling me Mrs and colleagues at my English-speaking workplace would occasionally address me as Mrs Foden. I momentarily wondered why they were emailing my dead grandmother.

Why do you need to ask?

According to the BBC report of Cesson-Sévigné’s decision, Miss and Mrs are used less frequently than their French equivalents. This is not my experience since moving back to the UK. I am always being asked by officialdom and customer services, “Is it Miss or Mrs?”

I’m always tempted to reply, “None of your business,” but I manage a more tactful, “It’s Ms.”

This is often greeted with raised eyebrows. There seems to be a lot of judgement when I insist on Ms. Am I being seen as a bitter divorcée? A miserable singleton? A (gasp!) feminist?

When there is no Ms option on forms I entertain the idea of promoting myself to Dr but I’m scared I’ll be asked to perform an emergency tracheotomy on a plane.

Surely in the 21^st century it’s time we followed the townsfolk of Cesson-Sévigné and the Germans and stuck to just Ms or Mr? Apart from the inherent sexism of Mrs and Miss, the latter also infantilises women. When I hear or see Miss I think of Little Miss Muffet sitting on her tuffet.

So call me Ms, please. At least until I become a Dame.

Anna Foden is a freelance journalist. You can connect with her on twitter @anna_foden or LinkedIn.

Woman2Woman Partners with 3Plus

I was born Kriss Kezie Uche Duru Akabusi in 1958. Mum and Dad were Nigerians who came to Europe to study in the 1950s. On 1st October 1960 Nigeria gained independence, and like many in the Diaspora, they returned to their country of origin in 1962 to be part of the nation building programme – exciting times! I, like my junior brother, was left in the UK to benefit from an English education. Five years later the utopia was smashed and Nigeria plunged into civil war. The turmoil meant the regular payments for my private fostering stopped and I ended up in a children’s home.

It would be another 12 years before I came back into regular contact with my parents. In my early 20s as a young British soldier training for my first Olympics I went to Nigeria and saw how my life could have been. In my rural village, the place of my heritage, many children appeared to be 6, 7or 8 years old but were actually 14, 15 or 16. You can imagine my horror when I found one to be my junior half brother, right then I realised ‘there by the Grace of God go I’.

Background

TACT was formulated 5 years ago out of my first 3rd sector experience REACH (Rural Empowerment And Community Health), and the raison d’être is to make a difference in the rural communities of Imo state in the Eastern region of Nigeria – one person at a time.

Do you remember starting up in business? If so, you know the challenges we face even in developed countries where there is backing and support for new businesses. Can any of us imagine how we would start our own business with only the most basic and a very unreliable infrastructure, no money, no state support and no-one to encourage? This is a real situation for many widows in Nigeria. When widowed they are cast out of their families to survive and raise their children alone with no financial support.

Woman2Woman TACT aims, initially, to connect 100 women from developed countries who will each give £100 for a widow in Imo state, Nigeria to start up her business. This will enable them to rebuild their self-worth, contribute to the local economy, educate their kids and ward off the attraction of drugs, prostitution and gangland activity. In rural communities with old people, young people, and infirm people, women are the vital economic indicator with a stake in their society – called children. If you empower a woman you invest in the Country.

Like all start ups there is an element of risk, about three out of ten widows may find their ambition outweighs their abilities, but the difference £100 makes to the other seven is well worth that sacrifice. The beauty of the Woman2Woman programme is that the widow doesn’t have to pay the money back, so she isn’t penalised for trying, and the woman in the developed world know that EVERY penny of the £100 is given to the woman (running costs for TACT come from central funds) and our delivery partners on the ground provide training, guidance for sustainability for the project and money.
To sponsor a woman entrepreneur please CLICK HERE.  If you can’t afford the full £100 why not suggest it to a few of your friends and make a group donation? Mention 3Plus in the comment box and we will pool funds together to support as many widows through 3Plus as we can. Feedback will also be given on those widows sponsored by 3Plus.

I thank you very much in anticipation for you partnering with us.

-Kriss

Kriss Akabusi is the founder and chairperson of TACT, a motivational speaker and businessman.  Well known as a former international athlete; having helped clinch the gold medal for Britain at the World Championships 4×400 metre relay in Tokyo in 1991.  Follow on  Twitter – @AkabusiTrust or  Facebook – The Akabusi Charitable Trust

What would make women consumers walk with their wallets?

Wal-Mart: Divides and Conquers

Is it time for women to flex their consumer muscles?

I have been reading the articles on the failure of the sex discrimination class action against Wal-Mart with increasing depression and dismay. What a sad commentary that ruling is on our times. Not only are outdated, authoritarian (patriarchal) employment practises ongoing, but they are being endorsed and re-enforced by the legal system of a major 21st century global power. Unfortunately, conservative members of the court have ruled against the idea that the company can be held responsible, saying that different plaintiffs were discriminated against in too many different ways, for the company to be systematically responsible.

Now, I’m not a lawyer, but let me try to understand this. Does that mean that  the issue is, not that there was no discrimination at all,  but just too much of it to pull together collectively? Does that sound about right? With my very non legal hat on, this smacks of  “divide and conquer” at work. All these women will have to bring separate cases to court. How feasible is that? Read more »

Tapping Women’s Brainpower for New Innovative Jobs

Want more ground-breaking brainpower that top woman leaders add? Wish to expand formerly all male oriented US Coast Guards? Can you envision new job and leadership opportunities opening as a result of innovation facilitated from more and finer diversity pools?

If you answer yes to any of the above, you’ll be delighted that Rear Admiral Sandra Stosz,- first female to land a top leadership post in the US Coast Guard Academy in Connecticut – adds fresh and unique female brainpower at the helm.  If Stosz taps into her innovative uniqueness, both genders will benefit from brain powered tools within mind-bending women’s proclivities.

Top Female Brainpower Offers Benefits for All

While the jury is still out on some finer physiological gender differences, most experts now agree on the female brain’s strength for:

• Integrated sentiment and reason. Successful women use both emotion and logic – but research shows how they tend to use these mental tools differently both to solve problems and cope with stressors. Top women leaders tend to craft insights with their emotional intelligence, and then add logical action plans for mind-bending results. Everybody wins.
• Networks and collaboration. Women’s brainpower tends to trump language and communication skills, which double as negotiating tools to facilitate and articulate new and diverse talent opportunities.
• High performance minds for innovation. Research shows that women hold the lion’s share of higher education degrees since 1982. Female brains draw on more symmetric activation across brain hemispheres to embrace development from varied offerings.
• Diverse talents unleashed. Women often excel in tasks that use language processing, and tend to value diversity. How so?  Watch women leaders integrate  hard and soft skills  across both hemispheres of the brain and you’ll see a workforce solve problems from wider innovative capabilities.
• Right-brained intelligences. Women’s brainpower tends to include intelligences normally operated from the brain’s right hemisphere. They solve more problems than left-brain-workers by combining facts, images, and creative insights from insights others offer. No surprise the entire workforce  enjoys amazing solutions when women lead.

Shore up Women Leaders and Equity will Follow

Support women leaders like Stosz, and together we’ll enjoy added distinctives from mental treasure chests that cultivate novelty and offer innovation opportunities. Not surprisingly, what’s germane to female brains is also craved by men and women.  New that high-tech scientific study shows clearly marked differences between male and female’s brains, let’s draw more from women’s leadership talents to ensure multiple perspectives that equip a wider workforce for the new innovation era.

Based on research and experience, it only makes sense to capitalize more on gender differences.  Even at rest, neuro scientists Larry Cahill and Lisa Kilpatrick show how female brains differ both biologically and cognitively. Female brains at rest – communicate deeply with the amygdala  which processes emotionally influenced memories differently.

Have you seen winning visions generated and executed by women lately?

Dr. Ellen Weber directs the Mita International Brain Center, and certifies leaders across many cultures to facilitate both genders with the brain more in mind. New book, Lead Innovation with the Brain in Mind, with co-author Dr. Robyn McMaster (senior VP at Mita) is coming soon. See Brain Leaders and Learners and  Mita Brain Center

What Change Will You Be?

What are we doing in the corporate world?

Women throughout the world are victims of violence. Many women suffer the effects of ‘passive violence’ resulting in bullying and harassment.

We can view ourselves as victims, or look at the roots of this behaviour to see if there is anything we can do. Whilst there are elements of the ‘sisterhood’ who attribute all of this to men and their inherent nature – it’s not quite as simple as that.

When women were relatively powerless in the world, it was easy for us to take the moral high ground and say “look what a mess men are making of it”. But we can’t rely on our femininity or gender to assert that we are automatically victims or innocent.

Are we contributing to the level of violence?

Before he was assassinated Ghandhi wrote about the “Seven Blunders of the World.” He felt these were the seeds that grow and bring us to the point of violence. They include:

• Wealth without work.
• Pleasure without conscience.
• Knowledge without character.
• Commerce without morality.
• Science without humanity.
• Worship without sacrifice.
• Politics without principle.

His grandson later added

• Rights without responsibilities.

We are increasing our influence and standing in the world and increasing the exercise of our rights, but to what end?

How are we using our power?

We are increasingly able to claim the rights given to us in law by the EU or the US (and elsewhere in the world), but with that comes increasing responsibility.

Are we going to use our femininity to seek rich husbands (wealth without work), which many young women think is a worthy aspiration?

Shall we emulate the men of the super-injunctions (pleasure without conscience), Shall we make money, whatever the cost (commerce without morality). Shall we get ourselves elected to key positions of power, no matter what? (Politics without principle)

Being female is no guarantee of any particular set of beliefs or morality, but as we are newly arriving in our power we have a unique opportunity to look at the world and take some decisions that just might make things better for our children, our grandchildren and others.

Ghandi said “Be the change you want to see in the world”.

So what are we going to be?

About Annabel Kaye

Annabel Kaye is co-founder of and Director of Irenicon, a specialist employment law and HR consultancy. She has a blog, writes for the Financial Mail Women’s Forum on “Balancing the Bump” and hosts a LinkedIn forum on Bullying and Harassment  She has recently taken up stand up comedy (she says the Government is a bigger joker than she is) and is doing a women-only charity performance on 6^th July When she is not working, she loves to dance Argentine tango or Savoy swing.  Follow on Twitter and on LinkedIn

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