BITCH

Susannah Breslin in her Forbes piece How to be a bitch at work, outlines how being a bitch has helped her career and increased her salary. She mentions 3 strategies to achieve that worthy goal. But as you will see when you read the suggestions below, these are simply sensible, effective, professional skills and strategies. Why are the women who employ them considered bitches rather than successful professionals and why is another woman extending that myth?

Suggesting that this type of career approach is a form of ”bitchiness”, is perpetuating gender stereotyping that professionally-focused successful women are for some reason “malicious, unpleasant, selfish“, with behaviour that is somehow contrary and therefore not OK. Isn’t it time we women stopped doing that? Why is this even going on?

• TIP #1:  Don’t be available. “Making yourself seem overly available at work doesn’t make you seem like a hard worker. It makes you seem like a pushover“. Being focused, with effective time management and communication skills, with clear boundaries and the ability to distinguish between productivity and activity are excellent skills for any professional – male or female. If a woman demonstrates these skills she is not a bitch.
• TIP #2:  Don’t work cheap. “Agree to be paid little, and others will think you’re of little value. Agree to be paid a lot, and others will think you’re of great value.” Assertive negotiation skills, particularly in the area of compensation, are invaluable. Expertise in this area makes you a skilled negotiator – not a bitch!
• TIP #3: Don’t be a pleaser. “The most important battles you win professionally come when you refuse to say yes. Resist the pressure to make everyone else happy and make yourself happy instead.” Balancing defined personal goals with other obligations is important, rather than putting everyone else’s needs before your own, and requires clear and constructively communicated boundaries. Achieving this does not make you a bitch!

Women get enough mixed messages from a predominantly male corporate culture. Why would we even contribute and add to gender stereotype propaganda? Unless it’s to say……

                                                                                  Babe,

In

Total

Control of

Her life.

©2012 3Plus International. All Rights Reserved.

Hi Juliette – thanks for your letter. Lots of things going on! Onboarding is normal after a new hire and everyone will want you to succeed, especially after the cost of an international relocation.

Here are some tips

Ask for feedback:  No one gets everything right in a new job to begin with. If you have any doubts about what you need to do to guarantee your own success – ask for feedback! Suggest to your hiring manager that you are enjoying the opportunity and would like to ensure that the transition is as smooth as possible and ask what you can you do to make that happen.

Request a mentor :  Request a mentor who can guide you through the cultural intangibles of starting in a new position, to make those things tangible and clear to a newcomer. You can’t be expected to second-guess all the intricacies and subtext of a new company in a different country without support!

Stop apologizing:  It is the responsibility of the hiring manager to make sure your job description and any targets are clear. If that hasn’t happened - you take ownership of that task. Also ask yourself if you are being overly sensitive and worrying about something that hasn’t happened yet! I am told that it’s women’s sensitivity that many male managers find annoying!

Create a paper trail :  The usual reason for onboarding processes to become unstuck is poor cultural fit. If in the unlikely situation of a worst case scenario of your contract not being confirmed, you have a paper trail showing you did your best to integrate into your new position which might be helpul in the future. Store that in a non-work related email account.

Hope this helps!

©2012 3Plus International. All Rights Reserved.

This level of exposure to highly successful women meant that we were able to identify certain competencies that successful women share, and it was through these observations that we were able to create benchmarks.

For the benchmarks we identified 5 common leadership themes as follows:

• Leading Performance
• Leading Change
• Leading People
• Building Relationships
• Developing Self

It is the latter category that I want to discuss in detail as it is the most under-developed skill and yet, in my view, the most critical.

The most successful women that I have coached have all been highly-skilled in each of the following areas of distinction.

Distinction 1:  The ability to remain open to feedback and learning

The pace of life has increased. Clients are under increasing pressure and we are all paddling away trying to keep up with work pressures and the demands of family life.

Because of this we are giving our own personal development less attention and this, in turn, impacts our effectiveness and becomes a crazy loop where we lurch from stress to exhaustion.

It is vital to take the time out to reflect. How many times have you had feedback where you have chosen to take offence rather than learn? Growth isn’t possible when you have a closed mind and there is nothing to learn in taking fixed positions. It is the most adaptable people who succeed and the only difference between the adaptable person and the stubborn person is the willingness to learn and remain inquisitive.

Here is a quick and helpful strategy for staying open to feedback and learning:

• Listen to what the person is saying
• Reflect on their motive (love, anger, jealousy, stress)
• Be honest with yourself… is there a nugget of truth? (look for the Gold)
• Apply the learning or dismiss if the person was talking from anger or jealousy and there is genuinely no truth in the feedback

Distinction 2:  The ability to ask why and what for

Whatever your goals are, at one time or another, you will hit the wall. In other words you will come across a major challenge that looks like a deal breaker.

What do you normally do when you hit a wall? Most of us simply give up and do something else instead. But what makes some people find a way over the wall, under the wall or around the wall? People who succeed generally do so because those people know why they are doing something.

Consider this:

Scenario 1: I am working in a large corporation and its OK because it pays my bills. It’s not my dream job but it’s better than most I guess. I work to live. My real life is outside of work.

Scenario 2: I have a dream to take a sabbatical and sail around the world and my partner shares this dream. We are currently on track to start making concrete plans in 2012. I love getting out of bed every morning and doing my absolute best at work because I know every day is taking me one step closer to my dream.

Which person do you believe will make the effort to get over the wall somehow? What is your mission? Why are you going to work every day? Why do you do what you do every day?

Take the time for critical thinking so that when you hit the challenges you know that you are making the extra effort to achieve a personal goal or for the love of family or friends.

Distinction 3:  The ability to see the future and remain on track

Only 5 % of women set goals. Why? The reasons are usually because we prefer to be in flow, to trust our intuition or we simply don’t think about doing it.

I have developed a system specifically for women called SAW (Strengths and Weaknesses analysis) What most people do in goal setting is look for what they can do and not what they can’t do. I turned this on its head because it didn’t work for me. For instance, I wanted to be a speaker but I was scared of speaking in public. If I hadn’t used my own system I would have discounted speaking as a career choice because I lacked the skills. However, armed with the knowledge that I had a skills-gap I was able to set a goal to get training which led to a career that has, so far, lasted a decade!

Meanwhile, write down some lofty goals or dreams, chunk them down into manageable pieces, and each chunk into tasks. Put the tasks in your planner and take small steps every day.

Distinction 4:  The ability to use right brain as well as left brain processes

We are all focused on left brain process and rightly so. Most our work is of an analytical and intellectual nature.

However, it always amazes me how little we use our creative and, some would argue, the most powerful part of our brains in our daily interactions and in our work. As Einstein said, “imagination is more important than knowledge”.

Your right brain will empower you to utilize the tools of mind-mapping and speed-reading. If you haven’t yet heard about or don’t yet use these skills then please do look up a good training provider and go and learn!

Successful people value their time and use it wisely. It doesn’t make sense to use lots of time to take notes and it certainly doesn’t make sense, in this day of information overload, to read the long way!

Distinction 5:  The ability to be flexible and adapt quickly to change

Distinction number one was about remaining ‘open to feedback and learning’ and I know that the only thing that stops people from learning and growing is fear. Fear will keep people in their comfort zones and stop them from adapting to change.

Those of us who are most resistant to change and least flexible are less likely to build mutually beneficial relationships, least likely to see the opportunity and least likely to take the opportunity when it is offered – and it is usually fear that keeps us in our place.

Earlier in this article I mentioned that I had attended a speakers’ training course. What I didn’t share is that I was so afraid of speaking that I couldn’t even say my name in front of a group of people. One of the things I believe in is ‘learn from the best’ and so I attended a professional speaker’s bootcamp in Colorado, USA. I went through a lot of embarrassment and a lot of fear in those 5 days but I knew ‘why’ (Distinction 2 ) and I had a timeline and a goal (Distinction 3 ). I had used right brain processes to create my vision and my goals (Distinction 4) and I was calming my nerves using inner resources (Distinction 6).

Distinction:  6 The ability to rely on inner resources to respond with precision

This might be the most critical distinction of all. So many people seem to be resorting to unproductive behavior because of stress. People tell me that they don’t have time for the gym or to use relaxation techniques. Then because their bodies are running on acid they crave junk food and alcohol to – supposedly – help them relax.

One of the most important things you can do for your success is, take care of yourself first. Make time for exercise, drink at least two litres of water every day, eat healthy food and find some way to relax. The more stress and tiredness you are experiencing, the more out of balance you are.

Sharpen the saw if you want to cut the tree down quickly. You know it makes sense!

Make one change at a time. Make this one change into a habit and then apply another. Repeat until your life is transformed and you have Developed into the Self you want to be!

©2012 3Plus International. All Rights Reserved.

Board Quotas…

In a guest post in Wall Street Week, Erika Karp, Managing Director and Head of Global Sector Research for UBS Securities LLC, “makes the case for a detour from the path of least resistance”, that is, the status quo. She talks about it being “painful”, “messy”, “loud”, and requiring a great deal of patience as the pay-off – profitable returns – aren’t immediately obvious.

My belief is that gender quotas are mandatory. But my take on it is from another perspective. Human rights. Similar to Steven Pinker’s contention in The Better Angels of Our Nature, I believe that once males and females are balanced at the top in business and politics, the global path we are on will almost certainly become more settled, less war-torn, more environmentally sensitive, and, profitable – for human beings.

It has been well-established that the reason for the lack of women on boards has more to do with the old boy network than gender related abilities.

The “loudest” argument against quotas I’ve heard (see recent 3PlusInternational guest post by Susan Popoola) is that women, “who are not truly qualified for a role being placed in a position just to meet numbers”.

Not only is this argument the unfounded opinion of many but, as Canadian government Senator Céline Hervieux-Payette, says, “What is very frustrating is the thinking that the selection committee would not be smart enough to recruit the best possible candidates”.

There are qualified women!

What there is not is – willpower.

And I have a sneaking suspicion that there is another factor at play here. The “old boys” for the most part are not Machiavellian villains, hording power all to themselves.

They are afraid.

Afraid of dealing with an unqualified woman. Afraid of the “painful, messy, loud” process. Afraid of being part of a situation where they have to watch/deal with a woman who will be “harmed” in the process… or force changes on the board because she is qualified and has new ideas.

Buttercup

I look at it from a macro view, so I say, “Suck it up, Buttercup”.

To the men and the women.

Some women may be unqualified. Fix it – go find those women that CEO of Revera Inc. Jeffrey Lozon describes: “There was not one shred of hesitation that we wouldn’t find qualified [women]… The talent pool is enormous. It’s not a question of talent.”

Some women may be under-qualified. It happens. With new male board members as well. Fix it – create a thorough integration process for all new members. Provide a mentor.

Some male board members may be uncomfortable with sharing power with the opposite sex. Fix them – educate them on the benefits – the profitable benefits – of having a diverse board. Provide them with Catalyst Inc.’s statistics. Give them no choice.

And finally to the women. Fix yourselves – educate yourself, find a mentor, find a sponsor, get diverse networks – and never take “No,” for an answer.

Women’s talents are needed now more than ever.

Diversity is profitable, from a corporate perspective and a human one. Who can argue against that?

©2012 3Plus International. All Rights Reserved.

Hi Aurelie – Thanks for your question. I remember those days well! It isn’t easy to carve out space for yourself with small children. Here are some basic tips to at least get you on your way:

• Create a strategy – assess your network and decide where/how it needs strengthening. The reluctance of women to network strategically does put them at a significant disadvantage but it’s probably not necessary to attend all events. Identify which events are key for you – 4 per year should be more than sufficient and be strategic when you do go, rather than just chatting and having a drink. You didn’t mention a partner or a father of your children. Is there no possibility that he could step in at these times to cover for you? Don’t forget to make time for you!
• Create an online network - All women should create one or more on-line, comprehensive, professional profiles. LinkedIn is a primary platform for professionals. These online connections can be converted into real connections over time. Engaging online is also something that can be fitted in with other responsibilities, so is a perfect instrument for women and is entirely self-scheduling (when the kids are in bed perhaps). Women are more active than men in social media, but we need to tap into our network for business purposes rather than simply chatting on Facebook.
• Reach out – Start gently – invite one new person to lunch every quarter, connect with colleagues in other parts of your company, meet suppliers or other sector and professional contacts. These are all things that can be done during the working day, at lunchtime or even before work. Staying in touch by email or phone can be just as effective to make sure that you are still on everyone’s radar. Skype calls also make a difference when you can see the person you are talking to.  If you commute by car, can you make your calls then? Networking should be ongoing and many people make the critical mistake of only doing this when they need help, which is generally not appreciated.
• Become or find a mentor: Women of any age and position in their professional life, even entry-level can find a mentoring relationship useful. This is a great way to expand your network too.

Hope this helps !

©2012 3Plus International. All Rights Reserved.

   “What mess?” you pretend.

Your failure, yes the “f” word, to extend IBM’s CEO Virginia Rometty an invitation to join the august Augusta National Golf Club. Little did you know, although perhaps dear Ginni did, that several weeks after announcing the decision to adhere to your “No Women” policy, Ms. Rometty would be included among Time Magazine’s 100 Most Influential People. Darn. What to do now?

Suddenly our collective recall of Ms. Rometty’s image appears more regal, jacketed in pink, head held high. She sits by the sidelines in her lawn chair, among other non-members, watching the Augusta National Golf Tournament. Meanwhile her fellow CEOs don green member jackets and possibly green foil party hats, as they host other corporate titans in special members-only cabins and party tents.

Yes, Mr. Warren Buffet, Mr. Bill Gates, Mr. Jack Welch, Mr. Peter Coors, Mr. T. Boone Pickens, et al. we know you are among the esteemed Augusta members. We also know, that despite the diversity flag many of you fly alongside your company banner, not one of you has taken a public stand for your colleague, Ms. Rometty. Perhaps I am mistaken in referring to her as your colleague. Could it be you do not think of her as “one of us”?

I am disappointed in you all, in IBM’s board members, and in the company’s former CEOs who are among Augusta’s members, and in Ms. Rometty as well. Not a word in public. Not even a word about not saying a word.

Mum

Mute

Deafening

Silence

My hope is that all along our Ginni (yes, the girls and I refer to her this way) who has navigated her way to the top, must have known she was about to be announced by Time Magazine as one of the world’s 100 most influential people. Perhaps an inner smile lurked behind her pink jacket and head-held-high, as she pictured you eating your non-words of your non-invitation, a few weeks hence.

I suspect that several months from now, when enough time has passed so you think you’ve saved face, her invitation will be forthcoming.

I offer the following suggestion for your consideration. Apologize to Ms. Rometty, [Pause]

and when you do so, the girls and I will feel that you have apologized to us as well. And when a little more time goes by, perhaps we won’t shake our heads at the sight of your diversity flag flying high alongside your corporate banner. Maybe we’ll even invite you to the club for a round of golf. We can, after all, be forgiving, once the apology for being wronged is offered.

©2012 3Plus International. All Rights Reserved.

Dear Hilary Rosen, Ann Romney, Political Advisers, Members of the Press and Pundits:

Women have always worked, as have men. For most of human existence there was no boundary between home and work, and there is nothing new or newsworthy about working women and women working.

We roamed. We hunted. We gathered.

WORKING WOMEN. WORKING MEN.

We farmed.

WORKING WOMEN. WORKING MEN.

Then during the industrial era we divided work outside the home from work inside the home.

WORKING WOMEN. WORKING MEN.

In the “NO BIG DEAL” Department

Hilary Rosen, Democratic National Committee strategist and adviser, said Ann Romney, wife of presidential candidate Mitt Romney, had no expertise to speak on economic issues because:

“His wife has actually never worked a day in her life. She’s never really dealt with the kinds of economic issues that a majority of the women in this country are facing in terms of how do we feed our kids, how do we send them to school and how do we — why we worry about their future.”

Ms. Rosen’s statement should have been met with a yawn, but instead, some raised a ruckus and dubbed it “The Mommy Wars”.

Level-headed people know Ms. Rosen was not aiming a nuclear device at women who work hard from home base to take care of their families.

In response to Ms. Rosen’s comment, and possibly on the advice of a political wonk who saw an opportunity to divide and conquer the woman vote, Ms. Romney opened a twitter account and responded to the “accusations”. And so, the Mommy Wars began.

In my rarely humble opinion, the fuss is simply U.S. election year politics as usual.

Yawn.

In the MORE IMPORTANT THINGS TO DO Department

I suggest instead of wasting time over this nonsense we, men and women who are paid and those who are not paid, get to work on issues of importance. Reality: working women are both outside the home and inside the home. The world needs more women with clout making critical decisions in all sectors. Why? Until there are more women leaders making important decisions that effect children, women and men everywhere, we continue to operate at significantly less horsepower and less human intelligence than what is available.

And with that, I am off to work — both as a mother and as a paid consultant.

©2012 3Plus International. All Rights Reserved.

Yet, it does appear as if the world is holding its collective breath. It seems to watch and wait to see what happens next before declaring that yes, women have made it. Unfortunately, the issue of self-confidence or rather the lack of it, continues to be the elephant in the room for many of us.

Destructive repetitive paralysis

By buying into our own limiting beliefs (that we are not good enough, no one will listen to us, we are not worth it and other negative statements of the same type) we habitually and unintentionally stand in our own way to success. We get stuck in the cycle of destructive repetitive paralysis; the cycle that disempowers us in moving forward because we lack confidence in our abilities and in ourselves.

And many of us insist on going it alone. Rather than reaching out to other women and asking for help to dislodge the paralysis and support us, we tend to retreat and try to figure it out by ourselves. It’s such a painful and debilitating cycle, it’s no wonder we end up losing any shred of self-confidence we possess. I believe removing the elephant from the room is the answer, and to do so we must connect with other women: encouraging each other whilst encouraging ourselves, as well as promoting and advocating positive female role models.

Female conversations and connections are captivating and unique to women. Our discussions are full of profound passion and inspiration; we identify with each other’s experiences; we sense a familiarity in stories that are shared; we celebrate the resilience and strength we see in each other. We have the power to nurture and motivate one another to become brilliant. In this type of environment, where we are supported and supporting each other, our self-confidence is unshakeable.

The elephant leaves the room.

©2012 3Plus International. All Rights Reserved.

I have a bone to pick with women who publicly criticize Virginia Rommetty about her stance, or lack thereof, in relation to Augusta’s refusal to invite her, or any woman, into the exclusive Old Boys’ (golf) Club. This is not the first time, nor will it be the last, that women, or other non-in-power group members, pile on one of their own when she does not stand up in accordance with the preferences of a particular micro-group, be it feminists, or anti-abortionists, or, or, or. Maybe it’s just the nature of such groups to want those at the top to support all the “right” issues in the right way, aka the ones that are important to “me”. If so, I think we need to work harder to employ some new moves.

Augusta Golf Club Members in Training

I agree, Augusta’s no woman policy and their refusal to change is infuriating and a throw back. In fact, it should be thrown away. Should men have access to all male clubs? Yes, absolutely. But this club is not about golf, but about powerful people and places where deals are brokered and where big names in business are made bigger or made to disappear. Augusta’s members include industry titans, the likes of Berkshire Hathaway’s Warren Buffet; CEOs of G.E., Rockwell International, Goldman Sachs, to name a few; as well as former U.S. Secretaries of Defense. This circle of men is critical to Ms. Rommetty and IBM’s success. If our woman Virginia is not mildly or wildly successful as CEO of IBM, no one will look back and say, “It is because they shut her out of the old boys’ club,” in all its various forms, including Augusta. It is however, an important truth that membership in the club will be a significant factor in the degree of success Virginia Rommetty achieves. There is no parallel Old, or even New Girls’ Group, where she can forge the kind of relationships and deals required. For now, big business is a boy’s game, and Virginia Rommetty is a lone woman in that game. Hopefully she will change it, but first she has to play and stay. So let’s be kind or at least not mean. Let’s support her, and if we can’t do that let us be quiet.

Better yet, we might instead consider taking a page from…

The Old Boys’ Playbook

Play 1:

SUPPORT EACH OTHER

If you can’t do that,

Lesson 2:

DO NOT PUBLICLY CRITICIZE EACH OTHER

Six Reasons Why You Should Support Virgina Rommetty

1. When one of us makes it we all make it.
2. Crticism is perceived as a success by those who employ a divide and conquer approach.
3. Criticizing other women is perceived as women not supporting each other, and it is true.
4. No single issue, for which you advocate, is more important than the whole – success for and by women in powerful places.
5. Eventually all the important issues will be addressed when there are more women in powerful places, so first things first. Let’s help more women rise to and stay in powerful roles.
6. We have no idea what Ms. Rommetty is thinking or how she is feeling. We don’t know what others are advising or pressuring her to do or not to do, and we have no idea what conversations are taking place behind closed doors.

In the end, I believe we can learn a lesson from the 2002 Hootie (yes, that is his name) Johnson episode. Hootie is the former head of the Augusta National Golf Club. In 2002 he responded to angry outcries from ardent feminists by stating that gender integration would not come “at the point of a bayonet.” I predict Augusta will change it’s no women policy based on gentle arm twisting from current titans of industry. So let’s either support Virginia Rommetty, or simply hold our collective tongues, until the end of the story is told.

©2012 3Plus International. All Rights Reserved.

Hi Jeanette – regretfully this is like asking that old chestnut ”how long is a piece of string”? There is no right or wrong answer and for everyone the response will be different. You have to look at your results. Very often it’s not a question of more time, but using the time you have differently or more strategically. At a senior level there are simply fewer openings but my observation over many years is that job seekers generally think they are more focused than they actually are. This might be because of mild depression or simply because of internet or other distractions. Facebook and Twitter are prime time-eaters.

Here are some simple strategies for time management for job seekers:

• Create a disturbance-free, job-seeking space! Set up some structure with email folders, Excel spreadsheets and anything else that creates order in the mass of paperwork and emails. Monitor the time you are actively “on the job”. Be honest! Because this is your job now.
• Focus early in the morning. Break the back of your workload early in the day. Some find it helpful to dress as if they are going into the office. Sleeping in late and working in your PJ’s might seem casual and fun in the early stages after years of suiting and booting, but can lead to a downward demotivated spiral.
• Outline a strategy and set some short and medium-term goals.
• Make prioritized and achievable to-do lists, setting daily and weekly goals. You will be less easily distracted when you do this. Reward yourself with some downtime only when you’ve reached your targets. This can be getting leads or referrals, sending off a customized resume, researching 5 companies per day, connecting with 10 new people on LinkedIn, posting comments in groups or contacting your alumni connections or forging new ones. Whatever is in line with your goals.
• Research shows that networking in job search is highly effective. Make sure you are out there meeting people, not just tapping into your online connections stuck (hiding?) behind a computer. Sales people generally have great networks. What’s going on with your old competitors and customers? Can they help, give recommendations or refer you?
• Set aside time for dealing with personal emails and social activities. 15 minutes every 2 hours – enjoy those minutes, you’ve earned them – now return to work!
• Look after your health and relationships. Exercise, eat healthily and appreciate those around you. You need their support!

If you find this demotivation persists or you are not getting the results you are hoping for – definitely seek professional help or find a job search buddy. It can take up to 9 months to find a new job in today’s economic climate and everyone needs support to stay upbeat.

Good luck!

©2012 3Plus International. All Rights Reserved.