Migraines and Getting to Know You: A Friends Love Story

by | Jul 1, 2014

How do we know when to let go again?

How do we know when to let go again?

A friend called me yesterday for relationship advice. As if...

I'm no expert, nor would I claim to be, but she is traveling the slippery slope of dating and she knows that, "I know". I know what it's like to have difficulty trusting. I know the struggle that she has after being lied to. Do you trust again? How do you trust? And when do you know that it's okay to make yourself vulnerable to another?

Ah, the million dollar question.

Do I make myself vulnerable by trusting? Well, at some point we're all going to have to take that leap of faith. Only the two that are together know what's going on in the relationship. Only those two know the intimate details of them as a couple. You can ask for all the advice you want but perhaps the two people who should be discussing the relationship are the ones that are in it.

I've sought counsel over the years from friends as I've gone from one relationship to another and while they offer another viewpoint and hence, some  insight, the ultimate decisions come down to the two involved.

"I've got a migraine", she texted me. "How am I supposed to look or seem desirable when I can't even stand the sound of the door opening and closing? Ugh, this is going to be a miserable weekend."

"Let him take care of you." I texted back. "Being independent can have it's downfalls. It's hard to be taken care of when you're an independent soul but sometimes, that's what makes the other person feel special: when they can coddle you and take care of you. Let go and let him be in your presence as you are. Whether that be irritable or needy, he needs to see you when you're vulnerable.

Relationships don't follow a Lifetime movie theme.

They're not always peaches and cream. In real-life, people are who they are. You won't always be sexy, funny and on your game. You won't always be able to scale the ladder and help him shingle the roof and that's ok. Be vulnerable. Yes it opens the door for possible hurt but what's life without the good and the bad?

Though I meant for that to be a rhetorical question, the answer is: "It's safe but it's also BORING." I'm learning to take more risks, slowly but still, I'm doing it. I even picked up a book at the bookstore that was titled, "How to be More Interesting". Now that's funny. There's actually a BOOK on how to be you!

Leaps of faith, taken and bonds of trust, broken but on the mend. Insecurities in older years, seem silly but they're there, nonetheless. We are humans with emotions that make us unique. My friend survived the weekend and he's still in love.

The End.



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Anita, is a Registered Nurse, divorced Mom of three, runner, triathlete, and online fitness consultant. In her post marriage recovery journal, she chronicles daunting balancing acts, her leap into the dating world, pole dancing lessons in which she learns to ‘let go’, and the discovery of her Self. Excerpts from her forthcoming book appear in this column.

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