Two-Part Practice to Build Self-Confidence
Why you need to build self-confidence
Both the situation and the required skills determine which self-confidence muscles you need to use. It's really important for everyone to build self-confidence in a range of situations. I’ve seen the most confident male executives, who are used to addressing mostly male audiences, become weak in the knees when speaking to a room full of professional women. [Tweet "The self-confidence muscle group regarding women has atrophied from lack of use."]
Self-Confidence and Gender
While weak self-confidence muscles are a gender neutral affair, they are more common among women. This lack of self-confidence is detrimental to achieving career advancement and success, because competence and confidence are equal partners in these endeavors.
How and When Do Women Lose the Self-Confidence Battle?
As children boys are expected to be bold, brazen and courageous. They’re told to dust themselves off and get back in the game. Getting thrown down and standing back up, builds self-confidence. Girls, on the other hand, are rewarded for being well-behaved and earning good grades. This requires competence, so we come to focus a great deal on competence and less-so on confidence. This split shows up during the course of our careers. According to The Confidence Gap, women apply for a job when they meet 90% of the required competencies. Men apply at 60%, and are confident they’ll become more competent with experience. Finally, according to research published in Women and the Paradox of Power hundreds of senior women, director level and above, identify self-confidence as their number one obstacle to career success.
[Tweet "But hope abounds because you can build self-confidence muscles."]
Two Part Practice to Build Self-confidence
If you learned to walk, you once met a tremendous challenge for which you had no prior experience. You lacked coordination. Your muscles were weak, and there was no reason to believe you might ever master this skill. You fell many times over, but remained undaunted. You got up and put one foot in front of the other, again and again. It was exhausting. It took months to master The Walk, but you did it. You became a Confident and Competent walker, so much so that you learned to run, skip, and hop on those same two appendages. At a certain point in time, walking became a “no-brainer”. Imagine that. Imagine further that you can use your memory of becoming confident to build self-confidence in new and unfamiliar situations.
Part #1 – Find your self-confidence building memory
The body remembers.
Recall mastering something for which you initially had little or no self-confidence. Recall what you felt and thought before, during, and after your success.
My challenge took place leading up to speaking at a professional conference for women leaders. Typically, I’m not anxious about presenting to large groups, but somehow this was different. My anxiety and lack of confidence built up over the course of several weeks. I wanted OUT any way I could get it. But I muscled myself to the front of the room. THE MINUTE I started to talk, my self-confidence muscles began firing. They were flexible and strong. I was on my game and the participants were engaged. While the anxiety leading up to this event was undesired, I learned a lesson that will serve me well in future situations.
[Tweet "Your self-confidence will overcome your self-doubt."]
Part #2 – Engage in self-talk
The next time you’re in a situation for which you lack self-confidence, recall your self-confidence memory. I might use the one above. Then, let the self-talk begin, with this rule in mind.
Self talk is more effective when you address yourself by name or in the second person. It’s as if your Chief of Confidence is over-riding your Self-doubting Officer.
My script might go like this.
Anne, you can do this. Remember how you lacked confidence leading up to the conference. Remember how all that changed the minute you started talking. (At this point the confident thoughts, feelings and body sensations are coming back to life.) Remember what a hit your presentation was.
This post was originally published on Germane Consulting Blog
Found that interesting?
Learn more about our services
Make your dreams a reality with a professional evaluation of your career to date.
The evidence is in. More women in your company can deliver 35% greater financial returns. (Catalyst)
Dates for the Diary
August 25th Coaching and Discussion - Navigating uncertainty in the post Covid workplace
with Dorothy Dalton and Khady Gaye
Download and listen free podcasts
How to Create an Effective USP What is a USP? Our Unique Selling Point or UVP (Unique Value Proposition) is our key core message about where...read more
How to Rethink the Modern Workplace for Gender Equality New research shows that diversity and inclusion is a top priority for leaders. So why...read more
Menopause in the workplace In this podcast with Nicki Williams award winning author, keynote speaker and Founder of Happy Hormones for Life,...read more
How to Cultivate Empathy in the Workplace Nancy Milton, international business communications expert, keynote speaker and author, share some vital...read more
Taking Care of your COW Tanvi Guatam, international Personal Branding expert says there is a misconception out there that a personal brand is...read more
The importance of Hard Talk Dawn Metcalfe, author of Managing the Matrix and Hard Talk, shares with us tips to achieve the lasting communication...read more
When Does Female Rivalry Turn into Sabotage There’s a lot of stuff written on social media about female rivalry and competition between women. Some...read more
Goal setting tips to boost your career The happiest people are those that really love their jobs. Those that don’t, dread Sunday nights and...read more
Sexism: How to stage a Bystander Intervention in the Workplace In this power coaching podcast, we're going to tackle one of the questions...read more
How to Get Noticed by Head Hunters & Recruiters In this power coaching podcast, we're going to tackle one of the questions asked multiple...read more
Gender burnout is a new phenomenon affecting professional women, brought on by gender unbalance at work, the home and socially. Here’s what it means.read more
We can take advantage of this turbulent time and rethink the talent sourcing process to attract and hire more women.read more
Daily gratitude is an important booster. Read why we all need to show more of it.read more