My smart phone is damaging my relationship

by Jan 10, 20163Plus, Communication, Culture

Why I am giving up my smart phone

 A post is going viral on Facebook 5 reasons why marriage doesn’t work anymore.  It is written by Sex Columnist, Anthony D’Ambrosio, 29, who is divorcing after only 3 years of marriage. There is naturally a robust response challenging his experience and credentials to make some of his observations,  as well as the sources of his base data which is mainly unsubstantiated.

But there is one element that that hit a nerve. It was centred on being totally connected with everyone around you via a smart phone. Except the person in the room. This is why I’m giving mine up.

I am no longer mindful – but MIND-FULL of nothing important

smart phone is damaging

Connecting element

As usual, amongst all the hype and back and forth on the validity of his hypotheses, there was one concept that really stood out for me, linking 3 of his 5 reasons for the demise of marriage. Here they are:

  1. We’re more connected than ever before, but completely disconnected at the same time.
  2. Our desire for attention outweighs our desire to be loved.
  3. Social media just invited a few thousand people into bed with you.

The link that brings those 3 assumptions together is this:

Today we are living our private lives in public and are connecting more with people we hardly know than our partners.  [Tweet “At the root of this is the smart phone or device.”]

Guilty

I am guilty as charged of checking in on Facebook, so everyone knows where I am at any given moment. I send out images of my meals, vacations, my apartment and friends. People I have never met, know what my living room is like. I never had a problem with it before, but like the smoker or drinker who knows they should quit, I can feel myself tipping over the edge.  I have just realised with horror, that living [Tweet “my private life out in public, is starting to impact the intimacy of my primary relationship”]. It is spiralling out of control. I am out of control. The channel is my smart phone.

Read: Do you have a device addiction?

Alone together

I notice that even if we are sitting watching a movie together, I am more often than not checking into my Facebook, Instagram or Snapchat accounts. I might send the odd Tweet. James is usually playing an online soccer game or checking out the news. Alerts from every platform ping, ring, or vibrate, with a never ending reminder that stuff is going on out there which we need to be part of. By implication we are missing out on something. We eat rather than dine together, and frequently respond to our phones during the meal, even if we are out to dinner.

We are the classic “Alone Together” cited by Sherry Turkle. We communicate multiple times a day by IM or What’s App over trivia we could easily talk about at home in the sort of “how was your day” type conversation, I remember my parents having. We rarely phone each other. We don’t need to ask each other questions because we have Google. The first thing we do in the mornings is check our smart phones. Sometimes even if we wake up during the night.

Do you allow cell phones in the bedroom? Fill out our survey HERE

Over the holidays I was at a brunch, there were 10 people at the table and at any one time, 6 were on their devices. People were more concerned about what other people outside the room were doing than, talking to the people who were there.

Read: Don’t put your cell phones on the table

My partner and I have just made a pact.  From here on in no devices in the bedroom.

I am giving up my smart phone. I’m starting to use it for un-smart purposes. It’s damaging my relationship.

Contact 3Plus International for support to be mindful

 

 

 

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