Single and Stuck
Alice Bell looks at the Organic method dating advice for the modern woman
As more and more Millennial women are opting to stay single (Read: Flying solo. Why Millennial women are staying single) there is a surprising amount of dating advice for us singletons. There is still a belief that many of us are both single and stuck.
Most dating advice falls into one of two camps. One viewpoint is that marriage is the fundamental purpose of any woman’s life, and in order to snare a man you must lower your standards and ignore your own needs. The other school of thought is that you’re fabulous already, you should never compromise for anyone, and you’re only single because men are intimidated by your sheer awesomeness. It’s “The Rules” versus “Eat, Pray, Love.” There must be some happy medium.
The Organic Method
Michael Santonato is a professional dating coach, one of those peculiar 21st-century jobs which your grandfather would have been unable to imagine. He’s written a book called ‘Find Em and Keep ‘Em‘ , and runs Sensational Sex Seminars with his partner Jessica. He calls his technique the Organic Method; for $80 a month, you’ll get video seminars, two phone consultations a week, and membership of an online community. Your grandpa would spit out his moonshine at the idea of someone paying $80 a month to talk about their dates, but there are six pages of positive testimonials on the Organic Method website.
Single and Stuck – Mistakes Made When Looking For Love
To promote his ideas, Santonato has written a free ebook, “Single and Stuck: Three Massive Mistakes Women in Their Thirties Make When Looking for Love”, an advice-packed 47 pages which is a cut above the usual promotional downloads.
Single and Stuck is an attempt to bridge the gap between the two schools of thought, the mercenary any-husband-is-better-than-no-husband and the unrealistic true-love-will-find-you. As we are exhorted to consider, our relationship choice is also a career choice, it’s important to get it right. Read: Why your relationship choice is a career choice
The message of Single and Stuck is simple. Santonato tells you “get out of your own way” and allow love to come into your life by reaching out, opening your mind, and clearing the emotional clutter which clouds your judgement. Crucially, he asks you to change your outlook rather than your behaviour. There are no tips to make a man fall in love with you, just the hard work of examining your motivation.
So what are the “three massive mistakes”? Looking in the wrong places, not knowing what you want, and dealing with the hangover from past relationships. Each mistake is illustrated with “what, why, how” – a description of the mistake, the reason you need to stop, and how to change your habits.
There are visualisation exercises, lists to make, tick-box quizzes to download Single and Stuck is a pretty active read. I felt a bit ridiculous imagining a conversation about closure with my ex-boyfriend, but I did feel a lot clearer about the patterns in my past relationships after I went through the exercises.
Santonato’s writing is occasionally a bit Cosmo styled – what 30-something woman refers to her friends as “the girls”? There’s some stuff about “feminine energy” which made my eyes roll up to my hairline – “as men, we need feminine energy in our lives… you will meet a guy once you start sharing and showing your feminine essence”
Still, his basic message is both encouraging and reasonable: your bad past experiences are masking your true personality, and you’ll need to connect with that core of yourself in order to find and keep someone who’s right for you.
If you mentally substitute the words “true personality” for “feminine _____”, then it looks like very good advice indeed.
Learn tips on how finding happiness gets you better results with less stress, and enjoy your professional and personal life more than ever before. Join us at our upcoming session. with Mary Lynn Ziemer on January 19th