Practice extreme self-care to increase confidence
Extreme self-care and the 4 questions you need to ask
How can you tell it’s time for more self-care?
Ingrid does not practise self-care. However, she knew every last detail of the case down to the dates and the figures (in Euros and dollars) quoted in the entire document. Like every high-achiever, she’d done everything to cover every inch. Except that when the discussion got underway, and the lawyer for the other company began to dismantle her firm’s arguments, Ingrid began to slip. Hesitations turned into inappropriate interruptions, then came long-winded statements and soon Ingrid was beyond slipping, she was skidding. Her alarmed colleagues exchanged nervous glances.
The next day, when we debriefed the meeting-that-should-have-gone-brilliantly-but-went-horribly-pear-shaped, Ingrid realised her confidence had been rattled. But why? She knew all her facts inside and out! Ingrid confessed she hadn’t slept much the night before, nor the whole week leading up to this critical meeting.
Come to think of it, she hadn’t hit the gym in 10 days but that didn’t matter, right, because she hardly had time to eat? What did you eat for breakfast the morning of the meeting, I asked.
"Dunno’, grabbed something on the way out… cookies, maybe?"
Her complexion was dull and she looked strained. I found myself thinking: you desperately need a haircut but instead I said: was this the jacket you wore yesterday? Yes, why? Because it has a ketchup stain, and it looks ancient, on the back of the sleeve. She hadn’t noticed.
“How can I take care of myself when I have files of this magnitude to master?” she sighed.
I get this question a lot (including, from smart, kick-ass, independent women).[Tweet "It’s a helpless, almost defeated wail that one is not able to manage one’s own well-being."] My answer: unless you are a child, you have everything you need to practice self-care. And the higher you rise, the more extreme the self-care you will need. I have seen pennies drop in the eyes of women when I suggest that it’s because you have to defend “files of this magnitude” that you need to practice self-care.
Appearing Unprepared is lack of self-care
Ingrid had shot herself in the foot by appearing unprepared (though she may have been, in her head). Her haphazard state, lack of energy and of groundedness undermined her authority and possibly her credibility, creating a breach, which her adversaries calmly entered, to steadily undermine her. As her confidence eroded, her natural resources and ideas (Oh! The hours and hours and nights of preparation!) evaporated. Her progressive defeat fanned the “opposition’s” flames, giving them the upper hand. Before long, it didn’t matter how much she knew, Ingrid didn’t have the wherewithal to secure the deal.
[Tweet "How can we avoid such a downward spiral, especially when the stakes are high?"]
Here’s a place to start. Ask yourself these questions at least once a week (consider writing down the answers):
- How am I feeling?
- How am I responding to day-to-day events?
- How clear is my thinking?
- How are my choices and actions honoring my sense of purpose?
Perform your Personal Audit
People who perform this ‘personal audit’ fare better, even if the answers are not what they’d like to see.
That’s because knowing what is going on with you will boost your self-confidence. Read:Have Confidence in You to Create the Career You Want. People who have that basic self-awareness will more readily identify what they need to address (or radically rectify) in their life to feel more grounded at work. Be it more oxygen (how about mini-walks at various times of day?), more patience (how about some deep breathing exercises?), more clarity (what about meditating or taking time to think out loud with friends?) or even more inspiration (maybe schedule a talk with my boss to review my medium and long-term objectives?).
Self-care isn’t just ensuring your hair is properly cut and styled, your nails polished and your abs toned.[Tweet " It extends far deeper to respecting your needs on every level."] This is only achievable if you actually know what you need and understand what has meaning for you. These are baseline conditions for elaborating what we call extreme self-care measures which, in turn, fuel self-confidence.
And just like Ingrid, without adequate self-care you might just sabotage your delivery, your performance or your impact. No matter how smart or prepared you are.
Found that interesting?
Learn more about our services
Make your dreams a reality with a professional evaluation of your career to date.
The evidence is in. More women in your company can deliver 35% greater financial returns. (Catalyst)
Dates for the Diary
We have Remote Learning Programs available
Check out our exciting portfolio of offerings to support your business in upskilling and competence building for your teams, to address the unprecedented challenges that women face in this new totally a digital world.
Download and listen free podcasts
How to Create an Effective USP What is a USP? Our Unique Selling Point or UVP (Unique Value Proposition) is our key core message about where...read more
How to Rethink the Modern Workplace for Gender Equality New research shows that diversity and inclusion is a top priority for leaders. So why...read more
Menopause in the workplace In this podcast with Nicki Williams award winning author, keynote speaker and Founder of Happy Hormones for Life,...read more
How to Cultivate Empathy in the Workplace Nancy Milton, international business communications expert, keynote speaker and author, share some vital...read more
Taking Care of your COW Tanvi Guatam, international Personal Branding expert says there is a misconception out there that a personal brand is...read more
The importance of Hard Talk Dawn Metcalfe, author of Managing the Matrix and Hard Talk, shares with us tips to achieve the lasting communication...read more
When Does Female Rivalry Turn into Sabotage There’s a lot of stuff written on social media about female rivalry and competition between women. Some...read more
Goal setting tips to boost your career The happiest people are those that really love their jobs. Those that don’t, dread Sunday nights and...read more
How to Get Noticed by Head Hunters & Recruiters In this power coaching podcast, we're going to tackle one of the questions asked multiple...read more
Even the most seasoned of speakers get nervous before making a presentation. Here are 8 tips to conquer those presentation nerves.read more
Dr. Tanvi Gautam is an award winning diversity and inclusion specialist and HR thought leader splitting her time between Asia and the US. Read her words and thoughts of wisdom in this 3Plus Women Who Inspire series.read more
Virtual event promotion is important, but this is especially true for online events as they are new for many people, here is what to try, and to avoid!read more