Why women lose the he said-she said debate
How the he said-she said debate hurts women whistleblowers
High profile sexual harassment cases have caught public attention, but the mood shifts once a man jumps in to defend the victim. Here’s how the he said-she said debate hurts women who speak up and out.
Sexual harassment is always shrouded in the he said-she said debate. Whether the cases are high-profile TV celebrities, politicians or other public figures, not just the office supervisor or letch, women’s complaints are generally not treated seriously enough. When women whistle-blowers do speak up, their concerns and grievances are treated with mistrust. Their motivation is examined with forensic intensity and their stories scrutinized from every angle. They are tested to see if they are emotional, over reacting, attention deprived or have some other deeply hidden, ulterior motive. They are frequently advised to let something go and move on or told there has been a misunderstanding. They leave jobs and relationships and experience backlash (….bitch, flirt, tramp) and even full-on smear campaigns, if they do have the temerity to speak out. Their reactions are minimised by people in authority, sometimes other women.
However, it’s clear that the he said-she said debate changes gear when a man steps in to support the woman involved, more than if the back-up comes from other women. I was fascinated by a post regarding Amber Heard who had reported that she had suffered abuse at the hands of her ex-husband Johnny Depp, which was posted on Twitter by 3Plus. This accusation was eventually supported by Depp’s ex-manager (male). The post written by Zoe Beaty writes:
A man said Johnny Depp physically abused Amber Heard, so finally she is believed
It does seem that a woman’s experience is only validated if it is corroborated by a man. In the meantime Heard has even been described as a “gold-digger.” Susan Fowler, the Uber whistle blower experienced the same backlash when she published a post reflecting on her very “strange year” in Uber. Outing her own experience of harassment and exposing a deeply ingrained sexist culture, she was initially ridiculed and smeared. The HR function within Uber took no action. Even reputable external HR pundits and commentators steered a middle course, because there are always “two sides to every story.” It was only when an investigation led by former Attorney General Eric Holder (male) was presented to the Board did things gather momentum.
Under-mined by stereotyping and bias
Beaty says that in failing to give credence to women who report abuse, discrimination and harassment:
Women are systematically and consistently undermined by these stereotypes, which leave us more vulnerable to abuse, and less able to reach out for help
In general women do not come forward with stories regarding sexual harassment to senior people or the authorities, unless they have reached breaking point. Like Susan Fowler discovered, HR are frequently not very supportive, especially is the person being accused is high-profile or adds significant business value. UK based employment legislation expert Annabel Kaye says it takes as many as 6 offences for a company to take action against workplace bullying or harrassment.
In the U.K. Shana Grice was fined by police for wasting their time when she reported her ex-boyfriend for stalking and harassment. She was found with her throat slit in August 2016 and her ex charged with murder.
White charger syndrome
Recently a number of women have spoken out against the general sexism in the tech start-up VC sector. In an article published by the New York Times, 10 women revealed their experiences of sexism, discrimination and abuse, with supporting evidence. They had been previously advised to play the situation down and told if they pursed any formal action it “might lead to ostracism.” Reid Hoffmann a top venture capitalist has now stepped up with a powerful intervention, writing on LinkedIn about the Human Rights of Women Entrepreneurs. The question surely should be not that we need to pledges to protect women’s rights in the workplaces of developed economies. That should be a given. What we need to see are pledges to hire more women partners in the next 12 months and to increase the funding given to female led start-ups. There should also be some sort of accountability where complaints from women will be taken seriously and investigated.
A culture that even gets into the he said-she said debate and in which women need male support to be taken seriously, is deeply rooted in the stereotyping and bias of male coded cultures and workplaces. It’s the same culture that prevents any steps towards gender equality doing anything more than stumbling along.
For advice on tackling sexism and discrimination in your company – Contact 3Plus now!
Found that interesting?
Learn more about our services
Make your dreams a reality with a professional evaluation of your career to date.
The evidence is in. More women in your company can deliver 35% greater financial returns. (Catalyst)
Download and listen free podcasts
How to Cultivate Empathy in the Workplace Nancy Milton, international business communications expert, keynote speaker and author, share some vital...read more
Taking Care of your COW Tanvi Guatam, international Personal Branding expert says there is a misconception out there that a personal brand is...read more
The importance of Hard Talk Dawn Metcalfe, author of Managing the Matrix and Hard Talk, shares with us tips to achieve the lasting communication...read more
When Does Female Rivalry Turn into Sabotage There’s a lot of stuff written on social media about female rivalry and competition between women. Some...read more
Goal setting tips to boost your career The happiest people are those that really love their jobs. Those that don’t, dread Sunday nights and...read more
How to Get Noticed by Head Hunters & Recruiters In this power coaching podcast, we're going to tackle one of the questions asked multiple...read more
The best way to ask for a promotion If you want to ask for a promotion, make sure you know when is the right time to ask, what is the best way to ask and why you deserve it. These tips will help you do just that. If you’re a career-driven individual, there’s no doubt...read more
A femel is a manel - different.. but the same.. What would your reaction be if confronted with a femel? If you saw a femel on every conference programme, would you accept it or question it? Would you want to know the reasons behind it? Let's try imagining a different...read more
Looking for professional edge, will cosmetic surgery boost your career? If a nip, tuck or injection is what you think would make you feel your best, that's a personal choice. There are some who firmly believe that it's a sure way to career advancement. But could...read more