The Most Irritating Conversation Habit and How to Change It

by Feb 21, 2018

Mansplaining is a bad conversation habit that needs to be stopped

Often we talk without thinking of any conversation habit we might have. But these habits could be making a very negative impression without you even realising.

There are many conversation habits that can inhibit, or even stop others from wanting to interact with you. When you constantly interrupt, listen to point out more errors than good points, or fiddle with your jewelry, keys, or parts of your body while someone is talking readily come to mind. The worst habit of all is assuming the person or group you are speaking to doesn’t know what you are talking about.

Pack your presentations with a punch, using our FREE Power Word List


Recently the word “mansplaining” has become popular. This occurs when a man mistakenly assumes a woman does not have the knowledge to understand the concepts presented. He then goes on to explain in painstaking detail. Although the frequency of this happening depends on the culture, many studies have found woman and minorities are often interrupted, ignored, and talked down to. This is regardless of whether the actions are intentional or unconscious. Men can mansplain to men as well.

I have known women who have “womansplained” to both men and women, too. Anytime your tone or actions feel condescending or patronizing, you trigger bad feelings and miscommunication.

Conversation habit

You may have done this when you had a legitimate desire to share the foundational or circumstantial information that prove your point. However, if the people you are talking to have been exposed to similar material or have had experiences in line with yours, your explanations will bore them, anger them, or cause them to disconnect with you.

It may be you believe people need the backstory or their lack of experiences will limit their perspective. However, you are wasting time that could be spent on having a meaningful discussion on the topic. If you want a decision made in a meeting, it is good practice to give people a write up they can read before you meet. Then when face to face, you can engage by answering their questions instead of reading every bullet point.

Starting a conversation

Don’t start by telling people why you need to explain something or providing unsolicited data. Start with defining the outcome you want to achieve. Do you want a decision made? Maybe you want them to consider a particular point of view? Or you want them to understand why you have made specific choices? Let them know what you want them to do with the information you are about to provide.

Then, before you launch into your points, plans, and stories, ask people what they need to hear from you to provide you with the outcome you requested. They will be more open to your ideas if you speak in response to their needs, instead of giving them information before they ask for it. The steps are:

1. Here is what I want from our time together (your desired outcome)…
2. What do you want or need to know?

Then, be curious when they tell you what they need. This way your information will emerge as a two-way discussion. To provide the right answers is more effective than being the one who knows what is right before the questions are asked.

Moving the Conversation to a Desired Result

If the conversation is in process and you have a strong opinion, inserting yourself as the expert who must be heard can cause resistance to your ideas. When you feel the urge to explain your position, follow these steps:

1. Ask permission to share your thoughts (which means you recognize when your thoughts aren’t welcome)
2. Summarize your main points
3. Provide details if asked

Being the smartest one in the room is exhausting to you and everyone else.

Effective communication does not mean you delivered your ideas well. To be effective, your words must be received and understood. If you turn people off, they won’t hear what you say or they will interpret your words through a negative filter.

To achieve your results, it is better to assume people know what you are talking about. Then you can ask, with caring curiosity, what they want explained. Coming across as considerate will help them feel comfortable enough to admit they lack information. Then they might be curious to hear what you know.

Use 3Plus’ experience and expertise to help you be the best leader you can be through Leadership and Executive Coaching.

Originally posted in Outsmart Your Brain 

Marcia Reynolds Contributor
Dr. Marcia Reynolds, president of Covisioning LLC, is author of The Discomfort Zone: How Leaders Turn Difficult Conversations into Breakthroughs. She weaves together three areas of expertise: organizational change, coaching and emotional intelligence to help leaders have powerful conversations.
follow me

Found that interesting?
Learn more about our services

Individual services

Make your dreams a reality with a professional evaluation of your career to date.

Corporate services

The evidence is in. More women in your company can deliver 35% greater financial returns. (Catalyst)

Upcoming events



📢New Programme available with 3Plus International

“If you have a brain you have a bias” and nowhere is this more apparent than in our hiring processes.

The ‘How to Mitigate Bias in the Recruitment Process’ programme is designed to convey the serious nature of bias in the recruitment process with a focus on gender bias and the way it impacts both businesses and organisations, but in a way that is thought-provoking and engaging.



Full programme details HERE

Dates for the Diary


December 9th 2021 -  Merck Romania  Corporate Event  - Building Executive Presence

Check out our exciting portfolio of offerings to support your business in upskilling and competence building for your teams, to address the unprecedented challenges that women face in this new totally digital world.


best job search


3Plus Online Learning Programs 





Download and listen free podcasts

Related articles