The Silent Burn: Recognising Gaslighting in the Workplace
Workplace gaslighting is one of the most damaging, and least visible, forms of toxic behaviour in organisations which makes it difficult to handle. Is this me people ask themselves.
It occurs when someone in a position of power causes employees to question their own judgement, memory, or competence. Over time, this subtle manipulation erodes confidence, trust, and psychological safety.
At 3Plus International we refer to this as “the Silent Burn.”
Unlike overt workplace bullying, shouting, threats, or intimidation, the Silent Burn happens slowly. The behaviour is often disguised as feedback, humour, or misunderstanding, classic DARVO tactics making it difficult to challenge in the moment.
But the impact accumulates over time.
Employees experiencing gaslighting at work may begin to doubt their own perception of events, withdraw from speaking up, and feel increasingly anxious about their performance.
Four Common Types of Workplace Gaslighting
In a workplace, gaslighting can happen in four common patterns. In practice, employees usually experience a combination of these behaviours.
1. Outright Lies
This is the most direct form of gaslighting. Examples include:
- “I didn’t say that.”
- “I gave you that information last week.”
- “You must have misunderstood the instructions.”
Even when employees are confident in their recollection, repeated denial of facts can make them question their own memory.
2. Manipulation of Reality
Here the person in power reframes events to undermine an employee’s credibility. Examples include:
- “I don’t think you remember the project details correctly.”
- “You’re overreacting to the feedback.”
- “It was only a joke.”
Microaggressions are often dismissed in this way, causing employees to doubt their experience and stay silent about inappropriate behaviour. Over time this creates a culture where legitimate concerns are minimised or ignored.
3. Scapegoating
Gaslighting can also appear through the subtle shifting of blame. Examples include:
- “Things were going well until X got involved.”
- “That part of the project was their responsibility.”
By repeatedly positioning someone as the problem, the organisation creates doubt about their competence and credibility.
4. Coercion
Some forms of workplace gaslighting involve implied threats. Examples include:
- “That decision could damage your career.”
- “Have you considered what this could mean for your bonus?”
These comments are often framed as advice but are designed to control behaviour through fear.
The Long-Term Impact of Gaslighting at Work
Many Silent Burn comments appear minor when viewed individually but the cumulative effect can be serious. Employees exposed to workplace gaslighting often report: increased stress and anxiety, reduced confidence and decision-making ability, disengagement from their work, reluctance to speak up or challenge decisions
Over time, this undermines psychological safety, which research shows is essential for learning, performance, and innovation. In many organisations, overt bullying has become less acceptable. As a result, more covert behaviours have emerged, including subtle manipulation, denial, and blame-shifting.
The damage may be quieter, but it is no less real and can even cause workplace trauma if experienced over a sustained period. .
Addressing Gaslighting in Organisations
Recognising the Silent Burn is the first step toward addressing it. Healthy organisations actively foster:
- open communication
- respectful challenge
- accountability for behaviour
- psychologically safe environments
Leadership development and emotional intelligence training can help managers provide honest, constructive feedback without undermining employees. But individuals experiencing gaslighting also need practical strategies to protect themselves.
Self-Advocacy: The C.I.A. Methodology
The first step in addressing workplace gaslighting is clear self-advocacy.
Dorothy Dalton, founder of 3Plus International, developed the C.I.A. methodology to help employees respond effectively in difficult workplace situations.
A key principle is ensuring that expectations and outcomes are clearly agreed.
Dalton notes:
“Make sure that the perpetrators are clear about the agreed steps.”
She also emphasises that resolving the situation requires more than an apology.
“Frequently women think an apology means the end of a situation. It’s important to reach a clear understanding of expected outcomes and what action you will take if that doesn’t happen so you can move forward.”
This approach helps employees regain clarity and establish professional boundaries.
When to Seek Support
If you believe you are experiencing gaslighting at work, it is important not to face it alone.
Possible steps include:
- documenting incidents
- seeking advice from HR or a trusted colleague
- raising concerns through appropriate workplace channels
Organisations that take these issues seriously strengthen both trust and employee engagement.
Addressing Toxic Workplace Behaviour
Gaslighting, microaggressions, and other subtle forms of manipulation can quietly erode organisational culture.
Leaders who want high-performing teams must ensure employees feel safe to speak, challenge ideas, and raise concerns without fear of being undermined.
Psychological safety is not simply a wellbeing initiative but is a core leadership responsibility.
If your organisation wants to strengthen psychological safety, address toxic workplace behaviours, or develop leaders capable of creating healthy cultures, 3Plus International can help.
👉 Contact 3Plus International to discuss how we support organisations in building respectful, high-performing workplaces.
